Revisions today, along with a book

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I was working on A Key, An Egg, An Unfortunate Remark today, trying to make up for my low productivity yesterday (doctor’s office visit and unfamiliar neighborhood can complicate things). But what do I find when I show up at my local library?

My hold on A Dance With Dragons has come through and the book is right there on the shelf waiting for me. Do I stop revisions so I can start the new book?

What I figure is that I’ll end my work session a little early, as soon as I finish this chapter… no, I forgot I needed to add this character to this scene… hey, this is turning out pretty good, I should make a note to change that other chapter… and now I need to fix the thing with the safe… and why don’t I wrap this part up here.

In the end, I worked until well past my usual writing time, just because I was enjoying it. (The revision is 1/3rd done. I send it to my agent after that.) But! I get to walk home with the book and read it all the way, now that the sun has come out.

Only three weeks to read a thousand pages! I know I won’t be renewing this baby, so time to get cracking.

Tired of the traditional genres?

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Author Kate Elliott has an interesting post on a new way to classify stories: by the characters who drive them.

Folks in comments are listing the characters (with accompanying story lines) that they can’t stand, and it’s a lot of the usual stuff with some interesting ideas mixed in.

Here’s my list of character genres I can’t stand:

* Anything with rock stars. Even authors I really really like will try my patience with rock musicians and their boring problems. It doesn’t help that I don’t think music translates well to the page.

* Two characters with an instant soul-mate bond. I just don’t find it compelling.

* The troubled cop with the dying wife. Not terrible, I guess, but I seem to have read too many of them.

* The recovering alcoholic detective. Another non-compelling character.

* The Devious Fantasy Character. I bounced off one really well-regarded fantasy series because one character’s Plot To Destabilize Everything still hadn’t come to fruition after 100+ pages. Not compelling.

* The Badass Who Punches Down. You guys recognize that Keith Olbermann reference, I guess? Whatever you think of the man himself, the rule that people should always punch up, never punch down (iow, attack those more powerful than you rather than less) is a good one. And yeah, I consider snark and sarcasm to be punching.

What about you guys? Any “character genres” you particularly dislike? (Be sure to check out Elliott’s post.)

State of the books/trailer/shorts report

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Thanks to a comment I received yesterday, I realized that I’ve been putting people off for months now about the status of the books, the trailer, everything. And that’s not fair. So here is a quick rundown of where things stand on the projects I’ve been promising. And since this is long, I’m going to put in a Continue reading

Here’s how fantastic Starbucks Customer Service is

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One of their locations had their wifi go out quite a while ago–a couple of weeks before I went to New York, actually. I’ve used their wifi at several stores, so I knew there was a problem. When I brought it up with the manager, she tried to wave me off with “The internet gets slow when there are a lot of people online at once.”

No no, I explained. There’s actually no signal. See?

She glanced down at my screen and said the staff in the store don’t have any control over that, and the only thing to do was to call corporate headquarters to let them know.

So… I’m physically sitting in a Starbucks talking to a Starbucks employee, but the only way to fix the service they offer is for me, a customer, to call Starbucks. Presumably I’m supposed to use a cell phone I don’t actually own.

But fine. I can understand why they might take the computer technical stuff out of the hands of baristas, who are certainly busy enough without “Why can’t I send this picture of my cat to my email?” right? But I’m sure as shit not going to get on the phone for a frigging helpdesk call to a corporation about their own service.

And I go back there occasionally, and it hasn’t been fixed. It’s been well over a month, and last Friday there was a family on vacation who brought all their kids into the store, bought snacks and drinks, then tried to go online to plan their day. Imagine their surprise!

Finally, I got tired of listening to this same conversation going on around me every Friday, so yesterday I sent a customer feedback email to them about it, explaining that their 4th and Seneca location has a problem with its wifi and it’s been going on for weeks.

What does their reply say? Essentially: We get our internet service from AT&T, so please contact them at…

Yeah. I’m supposed to make a help desk call to their ISP for them. Heh. Can you reach your modem? What’s the model number? Are the lights on? Are any of them red or orange? Please turn it off, wait ten seconds, then turn it back on again. Did that fix the problem?

To sum up: When I notified a Starbucks employee inside Starbucks that their wifi was out, she–a Starbucks employee–told me to call Starbucks. When I contacted them weeks later by email, they suggested I call their ISP and report the problem for them.

It’s funny, but while I do work at Starbucks, I’m not actually working for Starbucks. Guess it’s their new business model: crowd-sourcing your IT to irritated customers.

Update: Twenty-one minutes after posting, the CIO of Starbucks drops me a comment saying he’ll look into it. We have some good stuff in this future of ours.

Randomness for 7/11

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1) Six Beloved 80s Toys With Bizarrely Horrifying Origin Stories

2) A writer tithes to a charity he believes in.

3) Printing in three dimensions, with chocolate.

4) The entire plot of Harry Potter on a single poster.

5) Gundam Karate Battle! Video. Nicely done and more cinematic than the usual fare.

6) Saruman trolling the fellowship. Video. ::ahem:: LOL

7) How to make a book light a light out of an old book. via ardentdelirium

We went here yesterday

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Card Kingdom. It’s a new board/card game store in Ballard, and I didn’t even realize they were opening. It’s big, with lots of space, and not only do they have Pokemon tournament events that my son can take part in, they have an attached coffee shop where I can do some writing while he turns his toxicroak loose (or whatever).

Cool place, which a big family game section. I foresee many trips in my future.

Read this

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Tim O’Brien’s “How To Tell A True War Story.”

Fucking wow.

Let’s call this a draft.

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You heard that right. Draft zero of A Key, An Egg, An Unfortunate Remark is finished at 77K words and 43 chapters. Longest chapter: “An Unwelcome Party Guest Catches A Glimpse of Himself” (aka chapter 1) at 2,851 words. Shortest chapter: “Another Little Drive” (almost the end of the book) at 754 words. I suspect that first chapter will be substantially trimmed, leaving “The Recrimination Game” as the longest.

You know, I struggled with this book the way I struggle with all of them, but I had fun with it, too. In fact, when I was outlining it I had a serious crisis of confidence. Life is short: was this one of the books I wanted to have as my life’s work? Really?

Thank Pikachu I got over that. This book turned out to be a lot of fun.

So! I have to give it another read-through before I send it to my agent. I have a judo throw to add to one scene, and I stupidly gave two characters very similar names, then switched them mid-way through. Plus, there are the inevitable word echoes, under-researched locations, and screwed up sentences.

Still. DONE! I’ll be picking up a 22oz of Arrogant Bastard Ale on my way home tonight and I’ll celebrate happily.

How to study writing

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Me? Writing about how to write??

I know, not my usual beat, but I think I’d like to highlight a few things:

For today, I want to talk about how we study writing. First, check out this post on passing exposition through character voice by Kelley Eskridge. Go and read it. It’s wonderful writing whether you need the lesson or not.

Second, look at this post by David Hines regarding character identification. In it, he breaks down several sections of A Song of Ice And Fire to examine where GRRM succeeds and fails, partly reinventing the Eight Deadly Words Test at the same time.

I offer these two links from two very different writers not only as worthy lessons in themselves, but as a model for learning to write. There are an awful lot of people happy to talk about the art and craft of writing in purely theoretical terms: how to build tension, how to write dialog, how to endure the midbook slump. I once read a writing advice book that listed the six ways a writer could introduce and establish a sympathetic protagonist.

Here’s a probably apocryphal story: An aspiring thriller writer wanted to be a bestseller, and he heard that Robin Cook, who wrote Coma, studied the thriller market first by reading 100 successful books in the genre. The aspiring thriller, hearing this, decided he would just read Cook’s novel, since all the lessons would be distilled in there.

There’s a lot of pre-digested literary theory out there, but I think the best way to learn is to find work like your own that you also admire and study it closely. Retype a chapter so you aren’t tempted to skim. Reread several times. Look for text where you think things are being done badly. Most important of all, develop your own theory rather than receive them second-hand.

Theoretical conversations can be interesting and fun, but speaking from personal experience, I say study texts.

This Week’s Hypothetical

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If you could Gumby yourself into any book you currently own and live inside that setting among the major characters, which would you choose?