10 Marvel characters who should guest on AGENTS OF SHIELD

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Since everyone else is doing it, why not me? So, going by the simple criteria of: are they fun/are they doable for TV/would they fit, Here are the characters that I think appear on AGENTS OF SHIELD:

1) Morbius, the Living Vampire: 

Hey, he’s not a real vampire, he’s a science vampire. He’s also a tragic figure, a good man with a terrible thirst for blood. He’s also a brilliant scientist. Cast Matthew Gray Gubler, let him be all tortured, brilliant, and dangerous, and you’ll have viewers swooning. Plus, you can bring him back a few times a year to be a scary consultant scientist to milk the concept.

Besides, viewers get the concept of the vampire, and he’s not quite a real one. So it’s easy to translate to TV.

 

 

 

2) Stilt Man:

Yeah, the concept is ridiculous, but that’s part of its charm. He’s a thief in bulletproof armor, and the stilts can do tremendous damage when they kick something. So you have the confrontation with the ridiculous armor that runs super-fast because of those long legs, and you have the protagonists of the show taking a ribbing because they couldn’t catch a guy in stilts in rush hour traffic in New York.

But the fun thing is that it’s just a suit of armor that can be passed from one person to the next–or stolen–just as it is in the comics. Stilt Man doesn’t even have to be a man after all.

 

 

3) Tigra:

So, everyone knows that comics do a terrible job with women’s costumes, and Tigra’s is especially bad. Basically, she saves the world in a bikini that shows off her tiger stripes. Worse, her official origin in the comics is an unholy mess.

However, her enhanced senses and other powers would be excellent for TV and the storyline where she hunts for her husband’s killer is a fine traditional TV plot. Add to that the fact that, for the longest time, she’s had trouble controlling the animal urges that come with her cat powers, and you have a great counterpoint to Morbius. There might even be a scene between them, in which they talk about difficult it can be to control the dangerous parts of themselves, and you have a winner.

As long as you leave out the bikini.

 

 

4) The Scarlet Witch:

Wanda Maximov hasn’t been well treated by the comics lately. She’s gone crazy and altered the world. She’s had magic powers and then she didn’t. For the show, I’d take her back to the lost young woman who had the ability to manipulate probabilities. Have her be on the run, robbing ATMs and casinos while also helping people who need it with what are essentially luck powers.

 

 

 

 

5) Jessica Jones:

She’s a private investigator with superpowers she barely knows how to use. Enough said.

 

 

6) Bushwacker:

How nineties is that picture?

Bushwacker is a trained government assassin who has two cybernetic arms. Most of the time, they look perfectly normal, but he can transform them into guns. Basically, his hand becomes shaped like a pistol or machine gun, with his skin stretched over it.

In the world of comics, this is scarcely better than being a guy with a gun in his duffel bag, but on TV that makes him an assassin who can sneak in anywhere, shoot someone, and be led out with all the other witnesses. No one is ever going to find the weapon, after all.

So, instead of being a mutant-hating spree killer (which is so boring) he should be a former Hydra agent gone freelance, and make him at least as capable as the SHIELD agents tracking him.

 

 

7) Power Pack:

Hey, everyone knows pre-teen kids can be a handful, but kids with superpowers? I’d suggest they show up trying to mimic the Avengers, but being kids they screw up in a big way and reveal their identities. When SHIELD goes to the house to talk with them (and bring them in) the kids have already vanished. Who took them and what will they do with their abilites?

 

 

8. The Blank:

This guy is pretty obscure, but bear with me: his only “power” is a gadget, a belt that projects a force field around him that also obscures his face. You can’t hurt him, you can’t grab him (force field) and if he gets into a crowd and shuts the belt off, you won’t recognize him either. Plus, it would be easy to do on TV.

Besides, the truth is that a guy with powers like Cyclops’s–energy blasters–are like gunmen who can’t have their guns taken away from them. And what happens to gunmen when they’ve been in enough fights? They get shot.

Defense is where it’s at.

 

 

9) Devil-slayer:

Oh, god, that freaking picture.

Okay. Ahem. Forget the portentous way this character is always treated, and the goofy telekinesis and translation powers: Devil-slayer is cool because of his shadow cloak. It acts as a dimensional doorway to other places and times: he can step into it and teleport, or he can reach into it and pull out all sorts of things, like futuristic ray guns and battleaxes.

Drop the monster-hunting angle and he can be a deadly thief the team can never catch.

 

 

10) Typhoid Mary:

Okay. Um. All right. Oh Christ.

So, one thing the show is going to have to deal with, if it’s a show about superpowers spreading through the population, is what happens when those powers end up in someone violently mentally unstable. Mentally ill gunmen keep popping up every few months, and the show just can’t ignore it.

Now, you can’t count on Marvel itself to handle the issue with dignity. I mean, look at that fucking picture. Can the TV show handle this well? Can the folks behind AoS show a person who is superpowered but not neurotypical without turning her into a fishnet former prostitute karate ninja?

Christ, I hope so.

 

 

There’s still time to donate to the Kickstarter (unless you’re reading this a month after I wrote it.)

Let me tell you a story about controlling people with nuisance charges

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This is something I read about a few years ago but never forgot.

It seems there was a day care center that had a problem with parents who picked their kids up late. The center was supposed to close at 6:30, but inevitably someone would get held up in traffic or stuck at work, and so maybe once or twice a week the young woman minding the kids always had to linger behind with one of the kids. Sure, the parents always apologized profusely, but the woman who owned the center wanted to fix things.

So she decided to start charging the parents money for being late.

Immediately, late pickups increased.

What the manager of the center didn’t understand was that the parents liked the day care workers and cared about the inconvenience they caused them. When a parent was late, Angela might miss the start of her night class, or her second job, or even just her dinner. The day care workers looked after their children, after all. There was a bond there.

But the bond was wrecked by putting a charge on it. Suddenly, being late to pick up your kid was not a harm you caused to someone you knew and liked, it was an entry on the balance sheet. Trying to close a big sale? Well, the commission will be 1500 bucks if you finish tonight. Picking up little Timmy 30 minutes late will only cost you ten dollars. That’s totally worth it.

Worse, once the social connection was broken it was difficult to reestablish it. Yeah, they took away the fees, but the late parents just didn’t feel sorry any more. What’s more, this isn’t something that’s happened only to on child care center. This is a pretty common phenomenon that shouldn’t surprise people as much as it does.

Why tell this story? Well, as Scott Lynch points out the latest World Fantasy Convention is trying to reduce no-shows to their Kaffeeklatsche events (essentially, coffee with an author and 19 other fans) by charging five pounds for the event. Sure, it’s also supposed to cover coffee and biscuits, but come on, 100 pounds for a coffee urn and some baked goods? Psh.

A much more powerful incentive to having people show up is to say that, if the number of no-shows is too small, the author will be sitting there at their table with a handful of fans while the other writers may have full tables. You don’t want to make your favorite writer feel bad, do you?

Not that it really matters to me; I’m not a convention person. But there’s no denying that a nuisance charge is likely to have the opposite of the intended effect (unless the money is not about no-shows at all…)

Last night, my Kickstarter blew past the 250% mark. This is wild, you guys. Also, I’m pretty much spending all my time away from the internet sending emails and answering messages. Stretch goals are coming, I promise.

In Case You Need To Get Your Rage On

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Multi-millionaire hedonist drug addict heir raises kids about as well as you could expect. It’s a #Longread, but it’s horrifying; the system failed these kids because the system can not stand up against money. Awful.



Stepping back from the internet for a day

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As I mentioned on Twitter, last night my Kickstarter passed 200% of goal. This morning it’s at 213%.

I’m waiting to hear back on some emails I sent, but in the mean time I’m going to take a day away from the internet to work on the actual book. I know, right? Crazy! A writer who’s writing.

Enjoy your Saturday.

Kickstarter Stretch Goals

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So… yeah. Yesterday was crazy. In case you were off the internet, here’s the short version: I launched a Kickstarter and it got funded in less than eight hours.

Onward: At the moment, I’m contemplating stretch goals. Actually, I’m soliciting advice from the project backers. Do people want high-end cover art? An audiobook? Co-op placement (or the online equivalent) on Amazon.com to drive sales? A fourth novel?

The answers are interesting (even though no one has yet suggested “electrolysis for the author’s back” which is… okay. For now). If you’re a backer who doesn’t read those “Project Update” emails (or someone who is not a backer but would like to be) Check it out.



I owe about a billion emails, but this right here is pretty cool.

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Funded!

That’s right. I made goal in under 8 hours.

I owe a billion responses to people and a hundred billion thank yous, but right now I cracked a bottle of my traditional celebration beer (Arrogant Bastard Ale–so tasty!) and I’m going to have dinner with my family.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you to everyone who pledged and to everyone who shared the news.

About that Kickstarter: Holy Cow (omnibus limits and stretch goals)

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As I write this, my Kickstarter project is at 80% of goal after only four and a half hours. So, that’s wacky pants and completely unexpected.

That said: As soon as we hit goal, I’ll open up more slots for the hardcover omnibus edition. That seems to be the format that most people prefer and I only limited it because they’re expensive to print and ship. Delivering physical goods is the kryptonite of most Kickstarter projects, and I guess I was over-cautious.

Also, I know I need to prepare to some stretch goals, and I’m doing my best to estimate those costs. I don’t want to rush into a promise I can’t keep.

That said, I do have A KEY, AND EGG, AND UNFORTUNATE REMARK already written (working title: “The Auntie Mame Files), and I’m doing the math to work out how much I’d need to get that book ready to publish. I already found an excellent editor to work on it, but I’d have to figure out the art and typesetting, too.

There’s also the short story collection, which will include the new Twenty Palaces story. That story will get written and the collection will be released no matter what; the pledges would only go to cover art and editing.

So, thank you to everyone who has pledged so far.

The Great Way Kickstarter is now live

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Here is the video. Warning: Contains me.

If the video doesn’t show up, you can click on the direct link.

Yes, the goal is high. I know it is, but printing those copies (especially the omnibuses) will cost quite a lot. So will shipping hardbacks with 350K worth of fiction in them.

Then there’s the art inside and out, the editing, the whole thing is spendy. Very spendy.

But yeah, I’m nervous about that goal. ::wrings hands:: Hey, even if you aren’t planning to pledge for the project, I’d like to ask folks to take a look at the video and maybe spread the word a little bit. Everything helps.


I just sent a newsletter announcement re my upcoming Kickstarter

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If you’ve previously signed up for my newsletter, check your inbox (or your spam folder). I just sent out an update about the Kickstarter for The Great Way, including an approximate start time.

Of course I will also announce the project launch here and on my social media–in fact, you might be sick of hearing about it before too long–but subscribers to my newsletter will hear about it first. Since a few high-end reward levels will be limited, they will get the first crack at them.

If you would like to receive my newsletter and get all the Kickstarter news first, you can still sign up through the form here.

350 Billion Cookies.

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What, good people, is the enemy of work?

It is Cookie Clicker