Medical professional of any sort, while taking a history of my son: Do you take part in any after school activities?
Son: Actually, I’m homeschooled.
MPOASWTAHOMS: Oh? And do you have a circle of friends to play with?
Me: Yes. Yes, he does.
Supermarket check out clerk: Paper or plastic?
Me: Actually, I have my own bags, and because I have to take them home in a wagon, I’ll need to pack them myself.
SCOC: Oh. Okay.
Me: It’s the only way they’ll all fit.
SCOC starts sending eggs, pears, and bread down the conveyor belt.
Me: Um, would you please take out the stuff at the front of the cart first? I put the heavy stuff there.
Repairman: Your landlord told you I’d have to turn your water off for most of the day, didn’t he?