Randomness for 1/15

1) “The Hatchet Job of the Year Award is for the writer of the angriest, funniest, most trenchant book review of the past twelve months.” Read the nominated reviews here.

2) I’d say that the question of whether President Obama would rather fight a single horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses has been answered pretty authoritatively.

3) Movie plots done as pictograms. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t get all of these.

4) Minor characters get their own movies. I didn’t get all of these, either

5) Emotions for which the English language has no words. “Viitsima” is my new pen name.

6) A comprehensive list of things that made David Banner “Hulk out” in the TV show THE HULK.

7) Segway inventor patents portable bulimia machine, demonstrates that he’s one fucked up human being.

Randomness for 1/1

1) The 50 Worst Columns of 2012. So many trainwrecks.

2) What would cities look like without light pollution? h/t Richard Kadrey

3) Outtakes for ST:TNG Season 2. Video.

4) Politics in 2012, in graphs and gifs.

5) WW2: Full of ridiculous plot holes. h/t James Nicoll

6) The lowest-grossing theatrical release of 2012 goes to Christian Slater’s latest. It was a one-week release, though, and averaged more than “The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure.”

7) Oldest and Fatherless: The Terrible Secret of Tom Bombadil. An oldie but a goodie.

Randomness for 12/11

1) A motorcycle with a track instead of wheels, from 1939.

2) Do people gain weight during the holidays? Science says no, not usually.

3) A six-year-old tries to guess the plots of classic novels by their covers.

4) How much we care about Star Wars, graphed over time.

5) Look at this Instagram (Nickelback parody) Video. Not only have I never knowingly heard Nickelback once, but I have never been to Instagram. I still laughed at this.

6) Why is ‘w’ pronounced ‘double u’ rather than ‘double v’?

7) Author Christopher Priest shares his opinion of Robert McCrum, an associate editor of the Observer.

Randomness for 11/9

1) http://hackertyper.com/ is awesome. via @BarrSteve

2) Secret doors hidden behind bookcases.

3) DRAGON BABY!

4) 12 ways to get the best glamour shot.

5) Advertising professionals make poster art out of their worst client feedback.

6) Guy takes pregnancy test as a joke and gets his life saved by reddit and a rage comic.

7) IMDB Top 250 in 2 1/2 Minutes. Video. A musical mashup and a movie mashup.

Randomness for 11/2

1) Why was that cave troll in the Mines of Moria so angry? A new perspective. Video

2) Unfortunate product placement.

3) Twelve year old uses D&D to help his dad advance science.

4) A mousetrap, circa 1870.

5) If Yoda was white.

6) Jane Austen’s manuscripts, digitized.

7) Causes of Death You Won’t Want on Your Death Certificate

Who’s going to direct Star Wars 7?

Joss Whedon: THE PRINCESS REBELLION. Leia discovers a plot to undermine the new democratically elected queen of the empire and must uncover the scheme, develop her own force abilities, and prove she’s innocent of the murder of her brother. (Han Solo dies horribly, ‘natch.)

Christopher Nolan: THE DARK SITH RISES. Obi-Wan has to de-ghost himself to face a charismatic enemy, the clone of Annakin Skywalker. But is he truly a bad guy? (Spoiler: yes)

Kathryn Bigelow: THE HAN LOCKER. Han Solo leads a team of rugged but unstable fighting men against a hold-out band of stormtroopers armed with a death star-level cannon.

Brad Bird: THE KNIGHTS. The evil empire has been overthrown, but people are not ready to accept the return of the Jedi order as peacekeepers and intergalactic cops. A family of young Jedi must prove that everyone is special, no matter how pathetically low their midichlorian count might be.

Michael Bay: STUFF EXPLODES. Boba Fett rises out of the sarlacc like Princess Rita. Stuff explodes in a barely comprehensible way. Jar Jar plays a large supporting role and doesn’t even get killed.

Sofia Coppola: LOST IN TRANTHELLIX. An aging Luke Skywalker visits a distant planet for a lucrative speaking engagement, and befriends a gorgeous young gungan woman in an unhappy marriage.

Joe Cornish: ASSAULT THE MEGABLOCK. A towering skyscraper in one of Coruscant’s slums finds itself under attack from an accidentally-reactivated squad of Clone-War-era battle droids. (“Stop calling me Roger!”)

Wes Anderson: THE FANTASTIC MR. EWOK. A band of ewoks try to live like high-tech citizens of the empire, but are driven into an impotent frenzy by the way everyone speaks with their hands hanging motionless at their sides.

Amy Heckerling: LOOK WHO’S DUELING. It’s hijinks galore at the Jedi Academy for babies, where the massive midichlorian counts of the children allow the babies to wield lightsabers and oh god I just can’t go on with this.

The Future of Star Wars (video)

Context: Disney acquires Lucasfilm, promises Star Wars 7 in 2015.

Direct link

So Kathleen Kennedy will be taking over the franchise. Hey, she could hardly do worse than the prequels.

Here’s what’s interesting to me: Lucas made the first trilogy through Hollywood and blew the doors off the genre. When he finally returned to it, after so many years of trying and failing to do other work, he decided to go indie, with no other boss but himself.

We all know how well that worked out.

Now he’s back to it again, and he’s not only going corporate, but he’s turning the whole thing over to the corporations.

Some people just weren’t meant to put out their own stuff.

ATTACK THE BLOCK

Last summer, I walked into the theater intending to watch the new CONAN movie. I expected it to be bad but I felt I ought to watch it any way.

Then I saw a poster for ATTACK THE BLOCK hanging on the wall and was seriously tempted to switch tickets at the last minute. I didn’t. Because I’m an idiot.

CONAN failed to meet even my low expectations, but ATTACK THE BLOCK, which I finally saw this morning, is fantastic. You guys, you should absolutely go see it.