Randomness for 3/3

Standard

1) I wish someone could explain to me the causes of the great Balloons Monkey War. Added later: Ah! It was unprovoked Monkey aggression.

2) Five links about selling books.

3) The Venn Diagram of Monsters.

4) Now that Harriet the Spy is being updated as Harriet the blogger, Jezebel.com offers other classics of children’s lit that could be updated for modern times.

5) What Science TV is like. via nihilistic_kid

6) Math A Capella (the internet triples its total nerdiness with one video)

7) If Pitagora Suichi made a music video. Yeah, this one is seriously cool, possibly the coolest thing I’ve linked to in a long time. Don’t skip it.

Superheroes and their costumes (longish)

Standard

Is this really a good idea?

Spider-man

No, I don’t mean swinging high above the city from a thin strand that was liquid seconds before, and that you made yourself with a basement chemistry set. I mean the suit. Should Spider-man be wearing a suit with webs and spiders on it?

Hey, you’re thinking, it’s a theme. I get that. I get the theme, but as soon as you see a superpowered guy with a spiderweb on his clothes, don’t you immediately think “I’ll bet he has spider powers, like climbing walls and shooting webs.” The strength might be a surprise but come on, he’s wearing a costume. Better to assume he can throw a Prius at you until you prove he can’t.

And what about this guy:

Puma

Maybe if he shaved his mutton chops (and his shoulders) you might think “What’s this guy call himself, the Clydesdale?” But no, not with those bare feet and unclipped nails.

Next, imagine her:

Firestorm

And him:

Blizzard

Just before they started using their powers. If you saw people in those costumes committing a bank robbery on Action News, what would you bring with you as you raced to the scene of the big fight? That’s right–a fire extinguisher for the first one and a flame thrower for the second.

Even worse, their names are Firestorm and Blizzard.

This is what we call Giving Too Much Away. When I get superpowers and start fighting crime, I’m going to get a black and white striped suit, with a mane down the back. People will see me and think “Zebra? I’ll bet he’s pretty fast and can kick hard.” Which is just when I’d breathe fire on their asses.

In fact, I’d have a bunch of different suits to wear, and some of them would be identical to what the other heroes in the city wear. High-tech jewel thieves wouldn’t know if they were facing Meson Ray, Knifey the Stabber, or Captain Breath… until it was too late!

Seriously. Let’s try to use our heads here.

Why am I thinking about this? Because of one of the toughest edits to Man Bites World. The POV is, again, tight on Ray, and he doesn’t have a lot of people explaining things to him. He certainly knows more than he did in book one, all hard-earned info, lemme tell you, but not everything.

And my agent (who is my only beta-reader, remember) gave me a note saying that I needed to define the main antagonist’s abilities. Is he incredibly powerful like the guy from book 2? More? Less? What can he do?

Of course she’s right. I need to establish the boundaries and set the context here. Except, this guy, who does not have a friend in the world, has no one to tell about his abilities. What’s more, he has no reason to talk about them. He has several conversations with Ray in the course of the book, and he knows Ray is thinking about killing him, so why would he want to show his hand?

Antagonist: Me? Oh, I can generate large pulses of electrical energy and discharge them through my hands or teeth.
Ray: (writes in notebook: “buy rubber galoshes”)

So the only way to reveal what the guy can do is to show it happening, and by then shit is already going down.

This is the most difficult note she gave me, and I’m not sure I solved it completely. The change I made was this:

Ray: Why would you even do that to yourself?
Antagonist: Trying to find out more about my powers, eh? Hah! Forget it! (snaps fingers in Ray’s face)
Ray: (rolls eyes)

Okay, the revisions weren’t literally like this, but that’s the gist. Will it work? Hell yeah! I kinda love it. Will it work for anyone else? Well, that’s sorta the question. I’ll explain things to my ever-wise agent and see what she says. But sometimes you have to respond to a note like “What was in the box?!?! You never said!” by scrolling down to the last line of the document and writing “And we never did find out what was in that box. THE END”.

Randomness for 2/16

Standard

1) Garry Marshal, keeping it classy: “But two things I’m sure audiences all over the world understand: prostitutes and love.”

2) [Broken link deleted]

3) John Mayer: shithead.

4) I’m proud to say I fit within nine of the categories on this sign, or I would have in the past. How many can you claim?

5) Now for something equally stupid but much less hurtful, a thoughtful dissection of the infamous first edition Fiend Folio. Here’s part two. I have a bit of a D&D theme this week.

6) Real life is cooler than fiction could ever be.

7) Christopher Bird on the Captain America/Tea Party kerfuffle.

Randomness for 2/2

Standard

1) Darth Vader – James Earl Jones = David Prowse in a plastic mask reading Vader’s lines on set. I can’t help but laugh when I hear him say “I want those plans!” via Keith Calder

2) An officer shoots and kills a criminal, in the officer’s own words.

3) Every news report must be structured like this. via madrobins

4) Pat’s Fantasy Hotlist posts a promotional excerpt of a new GRRM story in an upcoming anthology, and the comments explode with butt-hurt Song of Ice and Fire fans complaining about the delay in the latest book. Normally I suggest skipping comments, but here the comments are delicious. I’m sure someone out there has already made a ASOIAF/DOWNFALL spoof, yeah?

5) The Scale of the Universe. It’s beautiful. It’s like church for atheists.

6) “Will they follow in the lusty steps of their forebears, the Golden Girls?” The nuttiest conservative Christian rant on gays I’ve seen in a while. The author, who apparently has a slight problem with gays who won’t read the articles he emails to them, thinks The Golden Girls sitcom turned a generation of young men into homosexuals, and it’s so wacky (and quotable! “Personally, I do not look forward to the day when we’re having moral debates about robot sex, gay jetpacks or houseplant marriage”) that there were points where I was sure it was satire. Or irrational hate. Or maybe satire again. No, that’s just more hate. Then I saw the link at the bottom to The Dark Underside of America’s Obsession with Cat Ownership and I swear I have no idea what to think (except: “Gay jetpacks?? I’ll take two!”) via Jay Lake.

7) More Macmillan vs. Amazon.com, discussed on Absolute Write. It’s an 8-page thread as of the time of this posting, but very informative. It’s also pretty easy to tell who are the knowledgeable voices and who aren’t. You even get to see an example of mansplaining with the wild (which is so incredibly rare, I know).

Remember AFTER LAST SEASON?

Standard

Remember when I posted the trailer for AFTER LAST SEASON, which is probably the worst movie to get a theatrical release in 2009?

Well, here’s a review from a guy who tracked down a copy. It sounds even worse than the trailer made it seem, if that’s possible.

Enjoy!

First, a great video

Standard

Mightygodking just posted this, saying it’s a couple years old but awesome for those who haven’t seen it before. That includes me, and maybe you:

Some strong language in there, mixed with the whoa!.

Second thing: You know those people at parties who don’t have a TV and make sure they tell as many people as possible? Well, that’s me now. I’ve mentioned this in comments once or twice, but never in an actual post: We can’t watch TV anymore.

It wasn’t planned and we didn’t renounce it in a big dramatic way. My wife rearranged the living room and suddenly the cable didn’t reach. This was… end of October? We were supposed to be upgrading to digital cable (broadcast TV in Seattle is a disaster) but I never bothered to get the box. So we didn’t have anything to watch except the occasional DVD from the library.

And it’s been better. My son falls to sleep easier at night. We all do more reading. I go to bed earlier. It’s surprising how comfortable it is to do without it. Also, I do not make sure to mention it to everyone I meet.

For now, at least. At some point I figure we’ll sign up for satellite TV or something. Until then, we have this DVD-player and Wii screen on the other side of the room, and things are much quieter around here.

Send an extraction team!

Standard

My son just put the ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS dvd in. Get me out of here!

Domo-Kun Arrives in a New Neighborhood

Standard

New Domo! Page_1

New Domo! Page_2

Context.

It’s not “selling children”. It’s “selling parenting rights.”

Standard

The (supposed) moral implications of selling children according to libertarians.

Having said that much, I’m sure you know exactly what you’ll find at the other end of that link.

Remembering 2009 as it should be remembered

Standard

By the worst movie of the year!

It played in four theaters, and I’m told the distributor asked the theater owners to burn the prints so they wouldn’t have to pay to have them shipped back.

Here’s the trailer, which I imagine was supposed to interest viewers instead of drive them, laughing, to other theaters.

“They’ve got, uh, printers in the basement you can use.”

Public Access TV would be a step up for these guys.