words

State of the Writer (and the writing, too)

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Taxes are done. Yesterday, I emptied most of our CD to cover the check (which is why I opened that CD in the first place) but it’s not going to be a hardship. We’ve been socking it away, just the way the internet recommends.

Page proofs are done. I actually finished them yesterday morning, and spent today’s writing time scanning the corrected pages and backing them up. If something goes wrong with the usps, I’ll have pages to resend or email. Paranoid? Moi?

Tomorrow I start back in on Everyone Loves Blue Dog, and I have to admit I had a little epiphany about one of the notes I’ve been getting. There’s a secondary character who’s not as… vivid as some of the others, and folks keep asking me to bring her out more.

For me, the problem is that she’s a reserved person and a bit of a cipher–she changes her outward personality to match the situation, and she doesn’t want to be too noticeable.

Earlier this week, I had a revelation while I was reading Bill Martell’s blog Sex in a Submarine (which is not a take on the SNAKES ON A PLANE film from a couple years back–the name of the blog comes from an entirely different clusterfuck). Bill writes low-budget movies, and one thing he’s always talking about is the pressure of getting a recognizable name for the front of the DVD box. It’s very difficult to market a movie without one.

What Bill does (and he talks about this often) is create a “confined cameo.” It’s a role for a name actor to play, with several scenes spread across the movie, but which all take place in a single location. So you have a general giving orders back at the command center, or the sexy barista at the corner coffee shop. Or whatever. The name actor has several scenes, but they can all be shot in a day or two because they’re all on the same set.

And while that keeps the price for that actor down, it doesn’t guarantee you’ll sign them. For that, you have to also make sure that it’s a juicy role. The actors are looking for ways to show their range and their skills.

I feel a little like a dummy. I spent so long studying screenwriting as a way to tell stories, but I never tried to translate this lesson from that form to fiction. Obviously, the character everyone wants to be stronger doesn’t need a confined cameo, but she does deserve a juicy, personality-defining scene–something that would startle and excite an actor reading for the part.

Now I just have to come up with one.

Finally, folks may have heard that Amazon.com has decided to stop listing certain “adult” materials on their best-seller lists, and the means to read that end was that they would no longer show sales rankings.

And one of the ways they defined “adult” was “gay.” Even YA novels with gay characters were too “adult” to be listed.

How could they be so stupid, you ask? I have no clue. See this post by an author affected by the change to read Amazon.com’s response, and Dear Author weighs in on the romance writers who’ve been affected, and finally here’s the start of a link farm to check out.

Query/Agent Fail (long)

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So many people have spent the last two weeks talking about queryfail and agentfail that I can’t bear to ignore it any longer.

If you want a little background , Making Light has a fine linkfarm on queryfail right here. As for agentfail, it took place right here.

Prefer a short summary? Several agents spent one day on Twitter posting all the queries they received that were full of fail, in one way or another. Snark was involved.

Many writers got pissed off and promised various kinds of retaliation, such as not querying those agents ever again. In response, we had agentfail, a post on the Bookends blog where writers could gripe about everything they hate about agents.

And man, it goes on and on. Over 300 posts right now.

Now, I don’t have much to say about queryfail. Is it a good idea for professionals to gripe publicly and sarcastically about the awful business solicitations they receive? Maybe not. But they did, and for everyone out there trying to create a solid query letter, it was an opportunity to learn something. Maybe a painful something, but still.

The agentfail comment section, though, is a disaster. I simply do not understand why writers gripe about the way agents reject them. So many people seem to think (at this point I’m basically rewriting a comment I made on Justine Larbalestier’s blog) they are the customers in this relationship.

“Too impersonal!” “I didn’t hear back quickly enough!” “I heard back too quickly–she didn’t spend enough time on me!” “I wanted more help!” “I never heard back!”

Sometimes I just want to blow an air horn and, in the ensuing quiet, explain that writers are not the customers. They’re artists/craftspeople with something to sell.

It’s really not complicated. A query letter is a sales document–an attempt to interest a book lover in your book. If the answer is “No,” then that’s the answer. Venting about it online certainly isn;t going to get you closer to a “Yes.”

But I understand that it hurts. Rejection sucks. I’ve been furious, despondent and… actually, furious and despondent pretty much covers it. Here’s the thing, though: I can control everything that happens right up to the point I drop a story or query letter into a mail box. I can’t control what an agent is going to say or do. I can’t force them to like my work. All I can do is work like crazy to write something they can’t resist.

And that’s what I wish more people would focus on. Put your energy and attention into the things you can control–your writing and your behavior. Brush off, as best you can, the things you can’t control. In fact, it’s damn useful to pretend those things you can’t control don’t even exist.

Inborn talent? Doesn’t exist. Agent’s sour stomach when she reads your query? Doesn’t exist. Market failures or saturation? Doesn’t exist. Luck? Doesn’t exist. All that exists is what you can do and what you can learn.

And there’s a lot to learn, because it turns out that almost everything those people were complaining about have perfectly reasonable justifications.

For instance: Ginger Clark explains why she only responds to queries she’s interested in. I mean… Cripes, reading that makes me a little sick inside. Seriously. One thing I’ve spent a lot of energy on was the idea that my personal emotional responses to the world are the “correct” ones–in other words, that people should be upset by the things that upset me, or they should shrug off the things I shrug off.

That’s taken me some time, but calling an agent an asshole because she rejected your query is inexcusable. Worse, it’s poison–for you, for the agent, and for everyone else trying to break in.

And the wannabe who struck an agent off her query list because she blogs about her dog (and other personal topics)? Get some perspective. Just because a person is an agent doesn’t mean they don’t have lives of their own. Remember when you were a kid and you ran into one of your teachers at a movie theater or summer fair? Remember how weird it was to see them outside the context you were accustomed to? Yeah. Take a hint from that memory.

So, don’t act like a customer. Don’t freak out about things you can’t control. Learn everything you can about the business. Treat every rejection as a goad to improve your work. Nurse your wounds in private (meaning: with your loved ones).

Jeez, that’s kinda long. I probably should cut it down or something, but my lunch break is over.

Five Linkies make a Linky post (plus)

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First! Affordable off-site backup for all of your files. We have many, many gigs worth of photos, so I’ll be signing up for this after we get our taxes squared away.

Second! Bert and Ernie go brutal! Aren’t you glad I didn’t embed that? Anyway, I loled. Be sure to watch to the end. And you can find the name of that song if you click the “more info” link.

Third! writes a guest post at Victoria Mixon’s blog about what really matters when you’re trying to write for publication.

Fourth! Sarah Monette comments on a review of the fourth and final book of her Doctrine of Labyrinthe series that criticized it for not making sense if the reader hasn’t read the previous books. Be sure to check out the comment thread from editor about the appeal of different kinds of series, why marketing puts a notice on a book indicating it’s part of a series (or doesn’t put one on), who the publishers consider their true customer, reader preferences, and more. Also, talks a little about PW reviews, who they’re meant for and what certain passages mean.

I’ll admit that I bounced off the first book in that series, but I loved The Bone Key. I’m sorry to hear that Ace hasn’t offered her another contract, but I’m sure she’ll get snapped up somewhere else.

Finally… Fifth! Beaker is, unquestionably, the greatest of all the Muppets, (yes, that is a truth that can not be questioned!) but what semi-celebrity does he most look and sound like? Find out for yourself. Aren’t you glad I didn’t embed that, too?

And, in non-link-related info, taxes are almost done. Ugh. So annoying. And yeah, we’ll have a bigger bill than I’m used to, but we’re prepared for it. Next year, I’m going to go with a pro; Turbo Tax doesn’t cut it.

Page Proofs

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The page proofs for Child of Fire arrived last night, and I was (quite stupidly) surprised by how much they looked like little book pages. I mean, duh. Also: Yay!

I asked permission to post scans of a couple pages, in case anyone is curious what page proofs look like.

I also finished reading Those Who Went Remain There Still this morning. it’s a terrific book and practically a clinic on voice. Very nicely done. It’s a short novel, and I can’t say I cared much for the interior illustrations. While Ms. Priest was still describing the creature in the book in vague, mysterious ways, I turned the page and saw a full-page drawing of it. And it was less than impressive. (Discussing it with a woman at the blood donation center, she said “I like it! It’s like a Nancy Drew book!” which… yeah.)

Still, it’s a good book. Check it out.

Genre/Not-Genre

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Would you consider “road movies” a genre? I find it hard to reconcile movies as disparate as FANDANGO, WIZARD OF OZ, and THE SURE THING as a single genre.

I’m thinking it should be considered a setting, but Westerns are a genre that are defined by its setting.

What about movies set in a courtroom?

I’m curious to hear what people think about this.

A book and a show

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First the book: The Bone Garden by Tess Gerritsen.

For the first time ever, I was sitting on a bus reading this book, I looked over at the reader next to me (I’m an incorrigible book snoop) and she was reading the exact same book. I consider this scientific proof that the book is a bestseller.

And it deserves to be. It’s a historical thriller, and like a lot of genre books with a historical setting, it spends a lot of time establishing the time period before the story kicks in. But kick in it does. The two lead characters are more admirable than interesting, but some of the supporting cast get POV chapters.

The most interesting character here is the setting, ‘natch. The rough conditions in the maternity ward, the medical school classes, the filthy rooms where the poor had to live–yeah, it’s gross. But it was fascinating, too. And once the plot picked up speed, I couldn’t put it down.

And I hereby declare my book grouch period to be over.

Next is the show. Here is the trailer to the CGI anime series CatShitOne

and OMG, do not let your kids see that.

I know a book worth two of that

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Right now, it’s snowing here. I’m looking at the biggest flakes I’ve ever seen in my life. Bigger than Ritz crackers, I swear. None of it is sticking, though. The boy, he is disappointed.

It’s been a while since I wrote about the books I’ve been reading, mainly because even the meager writeups I do take a lot of brain space.

Last week I finished I Know a Trick Worth Two of That by Samuel Holt (Amazon.com). It was a light read (every book I pick up is a light read any more) but very satisfying. Sam Holt is the name on the cover, and it’s also the name of the protagonist in this first person mystery. In reality, it’s one of Donald E. Westlake’s pen names, but the conceit is a clever one. Holt is a former cop who fell into acting and played a detective on a TV show for several years. Now the show has ended and he’s rich, but can’t get another acting job because everyone associates him with Packard.

And when murders occur, folks turn to him to solve it, because hey, he’s Packard!

In this one, Holt’s old partner comes to him for help–folks are out to kill him, and Holt agrees to hide him in his house. Unfortunately, during a dinner party, his houseguest is killed. Holt knows that the murderer is one of his guests–one of his closest friends–but who? Can he find the killer without driving away everyone he cares about?

And you know what? It works. You get a convincing look into the life of a formerly successful actor, lots of great characters, an honest-to-Pikachu whodunit with clues and everything (I ignore clues–I’m terrible with them) and a denouement in which the protagonist calls all the suspects together to name the killer.

Fun! I’ve been such a book grouch, that I’m pleased to have found this one.

Then, there’s The Boys by Garth Ennis, (Amazon.com, Indiebound.org) a superhero graphic novel set in a world where costumed superheros are self-indulgent, self-aggrandizing assholes, and the characters of the title are a team of freelance government operatives who spy on them, collect blackmail material and generally show their hate.

The main baddies are a twisted version of the Justice League–reckless, violent jerks more concerned with their licensing rights than doing good. And the protagonists are the kind of depraved, cynical anti-heroes that so many comics creators seem to love.

There’s a lot that’s wrong here. It’s full of casual racism and sexism (want to know what the only female member of “the boys” is called? “The Woman. Nope, not kidding). It’s rife with the immature nihilism that defines so many “adult” comics. It’s got hate-fucking, prostitutes, drug use, boozing, and… um… doggie rape. All things I would hate in fiction.

And yet, it has an undeniable power, too. Not just in an “Oh John Ringo No” sort of way, but in the reader’s secret suspicion that, if we really did have people with superpowers, this is how they’d behave. And the story has a driving force to it that pulls me through all the annoying parts. Also, the audience stand-in character who gets everything explained to him? Modeled on Simon Pegg. I have no idea why that makes me happy, but it does.

Anyway, after I finished Volume 1, I added Volume 2 to my to read pile.

The snow has turned to rain. Too bad.

Currently, I’m reading The Bone Gardenby Tess Gerritson, which has so far not engaged me with all the misery and pus. On the graphic novel end, I’m reading the trade for The Middleman.

Having finished the online panel

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I’m left with an introductory essay I wrote to lead off the conversation. The essay was all wrong for the forum and the format, but what did I know? So, I’m going to inflict it on you.

Snark

I’m not going to talk too much about who does snark well and who doesn’t–I don’t feel confident in the depth of my knowledge of the genre, and I’m imagine that, no matter what I say, someone out there would respond: “What about Sofalina Kricklistik and her Butt-Kicker Chronicles? Those books are snark hilarity! Where have you been?” And then I’ll be too embarrassed to continue.

But I do want to talk about Snark Gone Wrong, because I have seen it. Boy have I ever.

Two things I keep in mind when I read/write snark: First, snark (sarcasm, whatever you want to call it) is an attack. Not a knife-to-the-belly attack. Not a burn-down-your-house attack. But it is an attack, with all the rules of attacks and a couple of special rules.

The second is what Keith Olbermann has said in interviews about his feud with another cable news personality: Always punch up.

Remember Kolchak, the Night Stalker (the older, good one, not the new, lifeless one)? Darren McGavin was abrasive and sarcastic and comtemptuous of the people he braced, but those people were always big shots. They were politicians, police chiefs, gallery owners, whatever. The powerful and the snobbish. When he dealt with working joes, he was still himself but he was more respectful.

Here’s a quote from a column by Terry Rossio, on his excellent writing site Wordplay, discussing (among other things) the story changes that ruined the animated Sinbad movie of a couple years ago:

(General Rule: Your lead character can be introduced as a smart ass, but not a successful smart ass, if you want the audience to care about him.)

Quick aside: Wordplay is screenwriting-specific, but it’s a great place to learn about story. Check out the columns.

Back to the point I’m allegedly making: Anyone who’s seen Sinbad (and I count myself among the unlucky few) knows exactly what he means–Sinbad opens the movie with a big fight, where he handles all his enemies very easily. And through the whole thing, he mocks and humiliates them.

And he comes off as a jerk.

Some months ago, I followed a link to a snarky retelling of an incident in a Wal-Mart. The writer had noticed a fishbowl that said “Free Candy” on the side, but instead of taking one, she took them all.

When the manager and clerk tried to get her to return it, she raised a fuss. When she wrote about it on her blog, she made a bunch of comments about the employees’s weight and unfashionable clothes. I had to stop reading, because I kept thinking “What an asshole.”

When a character snarks, they should snark at the powerful, the careless, the cruel. (Remember when I mentioned “special rules”? You can snark against an awful situation, too. But it should be genuinely awful. ZOMG, my valet laid out the wrong waistcoat! won’t cut it. And yeah, that’s only one rule, but I put the plural in there in case I think of something else later.) They shouldn’t punch down.

One last bit: Years and years ago there was a TV show called STINGRAY (Nick Mancuso turned down the Bruce Willis role in MOONLIGHTING to play Stingray, and boy, there’s no booze in the world that can dull the pain of that.) The villain in the pilot was one of those boob tube drug lords we used to see so often, and the bad guy would say “Can you see me?” right before he shot them.

At the very end of the pilot episode, the villain is lying on the deck of his Miami Vice smuggler boat with a bullet hole in him, and Our Hero is crouching over him, smoking gun in hand. The villain looks up and says: “Can you see me?”

And the hero, a little gloating, responds: “Yeah, and you look terrible.”

The villain asks his question again–“Can you see me?”–as though he didn’t hear. Our Hero realizes the man can’t see or hear him; he’s already too close to death. Mancuso, in that moment, plays it perfectly. He shows a flash of regret at the snark he’s just laid out, because the narrative has turned the villain into a pathetic figure in the space of one BLAM!. “Stingray” realized he was punching down.

The panel itself was fine, although the message board software was a little woogy. Actually, it was fun. I look forward to Sunday morning’s panel.

I’d planned to stay up for James Enge’s author chat, but I’m fading already. Sorry, man.

The Writer’s Life

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Can I be CASTLE? Seriously?

I don’t know if any of you watched that show, but Nathan Fillion plays a filthy rich bestselling novelist with the mayor on speed dial. Now, I realize that, fundamentally, TV is not real, but I still love the fantasy life–as long as I don’t have to become a divorced, irresponsible boy-child who drinks and gambles too much. I’d rather keep my wife, and I’m happy to accept all that money, too.

As a show, it’s fine. The two stars have a bit of chemistry and the mystery was fun. Too bad it’s on so late.

Next: here’s a NSFW review of some time-traveling erotica. Um, yeah. Has to be seen to be believed.

Also, some folks are very happy that Warren Lapine has bought Realms of Fantasy, and will continue publishing it. I admit to being more skeptical that things will turn out well.

Finally, I finished the minor revisions for Everyone Loves Blue Dog during the wee hours of the morning. Being sick and sleepless has advantages. There’s still more work to do, since the ending needs work. Not coincidentally, I also read this interview. The author being interviewed at that link has a refreshingly practical attitude, but I’m not sure it would suit me.

If I’m still sick tomorrow, I’ll stay home for work and try to finish the whole thing.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Sites for Readers

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Is anyone reading this active on one of these sites?

LibraryThing
GoodReads
Shelfari
LivingSocial
RedRoom
WeRead

I find that Child of Fire is already on Shelfari and I am already on LibraryThing under my short story name.

But are any of you folks active on these sites? If so, what do you like about it?

I’m allergic to the idea of joining a social networking site solely to promote my book (although I received this list of sites from a how-to-promote document from my publisher)–in fact, I’m tempted to drop my book cover as my default user icon on LiveJournal because I’m thinking it’s a little tacky. But I’m not averse to joining an interesting site.

What do you think?