Cage matches

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Suvudu has been running “cage matches,” a sort of March Madness for sfnal heroes and villains (check the left sidebar). They’re all in fun, pitting Vlad Taltos against Dumbledore, or Harry Dresden against Conan, and many others in fights to the death. Several authors with characters in the fight have contributed here and there, explaining why their character would win (although I think it’s hilarious that Jim Butcher is all “Conan would kick Harry’s ass!”)

But you know what? I don’t like it.

Maybe it’s ridiculous (okay, no maybes about it) but depictions of Hermione Granger being stabbed to death are distressing. In fact, I find most literary depictions of violence distressing; they only “work” for me because of the context. The context for the cage matches–“Let’s you and him fight to the death for no reason”–makes me want to stamp my foot and shout “No fair!”

Yeah, it’s ridiculous, but this is my gut-level reaction.

It doesn’t help that the “tournament of fighting” bit is one of the most snooze-inducing structures around, and is one of the reasons I gave up on anime.

Weirdly, I don’t have this same reaction to visual portrayals of violence. I’ll laugh like a hyena at The Three Stooges, and I’m as happy to see Batman punch a gangster in the face as any self-respecting comics fan. But in text? Nah.

(BTW, Ray Lilly would probably be seeded just above Lyra Belacqua, but only barely :).)

Imagine you don’t have a cell phone

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And you just signed up for Twitter: (byharryconnolly). How do you manage it? Tweetdeck? Something else?

Advice welcome.

Today’s quote:

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“I am ready for the transition.”
–Denard Manns

Mr. Manns was executed in the state of Texas on November 28, 2008, having been convicted of rape and murder. His entire last statement, and the last words of every inmate executed in the state of Texas since 12/07/1982–some 450 in all–are available on a single web page maintained by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.

Randomness for 3/12

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This is my 666th post on my WordPress blog. Continue reading… if you dare!

1) Would you recognize Der Fuehrer?

2) Money as motivation: “It’s certainly true that motivated workers need to feel that they are being paid fairly and adequately. Pink’s thesis, however, is that beyond that threshold, performance bonuses may actually be counterproductive, particularly when the work requires initiative, judgment and creativity.” The article directly addresses Wall St bonuses, but it covers a lot of other interesting ground, too. I have the referenced book on hold for my wife, but maybe I should read it, too.

3) How to make an origami swan.

4) Nathan Bransford’s Choose Your Own E-Book Adventure.

5) A pseudonymous TV writer/producer on Florida’s new morality restrictions on filmmaking in the state. This link will expire within the next two weeks. Update: Link dead.

6) Korean man marries pillow. In all my life, I never thought I would be in a position to type a sentence like that, but this is the internet age, and we must share all manner of human oddity.

7) New book reveals evidence that infamous French hallucination epidemic was actually CIA LSD experiment. In school I did a report on MKUltra, but I never heard of this incident before (not surprising, since so many of the MKUltra files were destroyed.

Dept of Education buys shotguns

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The Dept of Education is buying 27 Remington Brand Model 870 police 12-gauge shotguns. Why?

“The Office of Inspector General is the law enforcement arm of the U.S. Department of Education and is responsible for the detection of waste, fraud, abuse, and other criminal activity involving Federal education funds, programs, and operations. As such, OIG operates with full statutory law enforcement authority, which includes conducting search warrants, making arrests, and carrying firearms.

So, the Dept of Education has a law enforcement division, and they carry weapons, and they investigate fraud cases. And there are only 27 of them? Maybe?

There’s a mystery novel in there somewhere.

My next blog post will be my 666th.

The Mystic Art of Erasing All Signs of Death by Charlie Huston

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Great title, innit?

Let’s say you’re reading a spy novel, and Our Hero is running for his life, having been framed as a traitor by someone “in the agency.” Flee! Find clues! Reveal truth! And let’s imagine that Our Hero discovers that there’s a shadowy agency within the agency, and that the person who betrayed him is his own partner!

Or, what if you had a fantasy about a farmboy who visits a fortune teller. “You have a great destiny,” the fortune teller informs him. “A terrible Darkness gathers in the West! You must find your true father!” The farmboy’s parents tell him it’s true–he was a foundling. The farmboy sets out for the big city to fulfill his destiny and find his biological father (Could it be… the king?)

Or you’re reading a mystery novel, and there’s one character who is so shifty and unlikeable that he seems very likely to be the killer. However, what do you find out at the end? The killer was someone else altogether!

So, these are conventions of the genres: the red herring suspect, the farmboy of royal lineage, the traitorous partner, and many others. In a way, they’re part of the basic appeal of the genres (although long time readers may grow weary of seeing them all the time). To outsiders, though, the appeal falls flat. It’s a bit like seeing a model dressed in a fetish outfit; you know it’s supposed to appeal to someone, but that someone ain’t you.

That’s how I felt reading through The Mystic Art…; I kept coming across things that I knew were supposed to intrigue me, but came across as flat. For instance, imagine you have a protagonist with a Terrible Mysterious Tragedy in his past. No one speaks directly about the TMT for a good portion of the book, building the mystery around it as the character struggles with the dysfunction that governs his whole life.

What you find out, though, is that the protagonist is a former elementary school teacher. In L.A. And he refuses to ride the bus.

Now, with those three clues, I imagine most of us can come up with a TMT that would be wholly generic and uninteresting… and you’d match what happened to the character in the book. It’s weird, because there’s so much build up to it and so much tension around it that the reveal left me feeling cheated. That’s it? The farmboy is really a prince?

But that convention isn’t supposed to be innovative, because the book is serving a different kind of audience. At least, it seems to be. When I open a novel and see that the dialog has no quotes around it–all dialog is a separate paragraph marked with an em-dash at the front–I mark it down as aiming for a literary audience.

And don’t get me wrong; it’s a terrific book. The protagonist started out so contemptuous and unlikeable that I nearly put the book down after the first 20 pages. I’m glad I didn’t have other reading material handy because I got past the nastiness and fell right into the protagonist’s story. The dialog is amazing. The characters are textured and three-dimensional. There’s something of a crime/noirish plot that doesn’t really come off, but that’s not the strong part of the book.

The best parts are the scenes where the characters dig into their families. Dysfunction, emotional abuse, neglect, screwed-up power dynamics… it was all there, and I loved it. If you have a taste for damaged characters trying to be a little less damaged, pick up a copy. It’s powerful stuff. Buy the book at Indiebound.org

Pleasant things

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A neighborhood library branch (not mind) is having a writers event tonight. It’s some sort of reading and talk, along with an open mike. I was seriously tempted to go, just to see what it was like. If it was fun and well-attended, I would have introduced myself to the library staff and offered myself for future events.

Then I decided to run the authors’ names through a search engine. They’re all poets.

Just typing that make me shudder a bit. I don’t know if anyone out there has ever heard a poet reading their work on, say, NPR, but they always have the same unnatural, deadening cadence. Gah! Instead, I will go home to my family, share dinner with them, and maybe watch the last of the NOVA dvds we picked up at the library (“The Last Extinction!”). That will be pleasant.

You know what else is pleasant? Woolgathering for a new book. Everything is still made of potential and none of the characters have turned up dead in a burning orphanage. Yet.

An unhappy reminder

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For those folks who change their clocks twice a year, this is a friendly reminder that Daylight Savings Time starts this Sunday, March 14th. Set your clocks one hour ahead.

Because we all need an hour less sleep at the end of winter.

Seven followup notes on previous topics

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1) As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve finished my agent’s revisions to Man Bites World. I have, in my backpack, a printed copy of the latest version. My agent prefers to read on paper, so I’ll be (priority) mailing a copy to her over lunch.

2) With luck, she’ll declare it ready to submit sometime next week. Without luck, she’ll point out a glaring problem I failed to address sufficiently or introduced in this draft, and there will be more changes make. Hopefully, I’ll have luck.

3) Have I mentioned this book was due on September 1st?

4) I won’t be attending Norwescon after all. My application materials were never received (which is probably my fault, somehow), and although they generously offered to squeeze me into a panel or two I decided not to go at all. I’ve spent the last several weekends working all day long on MBW, which means it’s way past time to stop skimping on Family Day. My wife and son have been neglected for too long. I’m thinking we should go to the Air and Space Museum–I moved to Seattle in 1989 and I’ve still never been. My first sf convention will have to be some other event.

5) 1989? Jesus, I’ve been here a long time.

6) I voted for SFWA leadership, but I’ve thrown away my Nebula ballot. Of everything nominated, movies included, Boneshaker is the only thing I’ve read or seen. No, I haven’t seen the rebooted STAR TREK or AVATAR or DISTRICT 9 or whatever. The short fiction is largely online, but I don’t like reading fiction on my computer screen.

What’s more, it felt like an obligation that I just don’t care about. I find myself doing these things once in a while–a couple weeks ago I made a stab at spreading word that I’m eligible for a particular award, but I felt stupid during and after, and I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not condemning people who self-pimp for awards–that’s their choice and I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t read those posts or click those links, but whatever.

7) Having finished this latest version of book three, I rewarded myself by getting a full eight hours of sleep last night. Crazy, I know! Tomorrow I’ll be getting up at my usual Unbearable O’clock to work on the goof for Project Number Next. I have no contract for this one and no clue if it’s a good idea or not (only that it intrigues me and would be refreshingly different than the Twenty Palaces books).

You know what feels best about this, though? No one knows a thing about this project but me.

Randomness for 3/10

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1) For once, it’s a good idea to read the comments: “Dear Prudence” gives some unfortunate advice about a sexual fetish, and readers take her to task.

2) A woman enters a comic book shop and asks for recommendations…

3) Venus de Slusho. That snow woman give me impure thoughts.

4) Bayonet 2.0

5)

My first visual Randomness

Godzilla Haiku

6) Social networking site allows you to register a credit card number and automatically post every purchase (with the price!) online. In other news, satire passed away quietly at home surrounded by loved ones. Next month: a 3G toilet that automatically tweets every time you flush.

7) xkcd makes me laugh out loud. Don’t forget to mouseover the comic to read the second punchline.