More Star Wars Spinoff movie ideas

Standard

So, apparently Disney is planning a Yoda movie, a young Han Solo movie, and a Boba Fett movie. Fine. The more the merrier. I have some ideas for how those movies ought to be done, along with a few of my own.

THE JEDI KID: When young Yoda’s mother moves him from his home planet to start a new job, he finds it hard to fit in. The kids in his new school are bigger, richer, and not nearly so green. Plus, they bully the hell out of him. Then he finds out his landlord is a former Jedi, and he convinces the old man to train him. Can he develop his skills in time for the Tri-World Force Tournament?

MISTER FETT: Rowan Atkinson plays the bumbling outer space bounty hunter Boba Fett, the only hunter dumb (and stingy) enough to buy a factory irregular jet pack with a power switch on the back. How can Our Hero get his man when he can barely see out of his helmet? After accidentally capturing the most wanted man in twelve systems, the worst private lawman in the galaxy is blackmailed into going after the most dangerous bounty of all… The Emperor himself!

THE WALKING CARPET: There’s nothing worse for a wookie than to be exiled from his family and home, but that is just what happens to Ulhu lin Hooarre. After a prank goes wrong and causes the death of his best friend, the young man is sent off-world to live out the rest of his days with the hairless. Bereft, alone, surrounded by ignorant aliens to do not even realize that the name they call him means, in his language, both “outcast” and “unclean,” he spends long hours walking in the desert, drinking and getting into fights, hoping that someone will do what his deeply-held beliefs will not allow him to do: end his life. Then he meets a brash young smuggler in need of a mechanic for a ship that is barely spaceworthy. If he can not kill himself, surely this smuggler will bring him the peace he longs for.

THE GREAT ANTILLES: Wedge Antilles has returned to his small town a hero. Promoted to general after destroying the second Death Star, he’s come to take his aging father off the failing family bene quarry so that he, and the rest of his family, can live in comfort in Coruscant. Except his father has no intention of giving up his little shack in his treeless valley, and General Antilles finds himself faced with long-standing resentments and deep-rooted grudges among his brothers. Worse, his experiences in battle have left scars on his psyche and made him quick to anger. Can he ever go home again, or has his family become strangers to him?

“They say this cat MACE is a bad mother…” “SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” “I’m talkin’ ’bout Mace.”

A PIECE OF PLANET TO CALL YOUR OWN: Ben and Beru Starkiller find their moisture farm failing, and along with it, their marriage. The city planners of Mos Eisley have cut payments they’re willing to pay for the city’s water supply, and farmers all across the continent find themselves unable to make their bills. Worse, there’s a trade conglomerate making offers on moisture farmland, and many of their neighbors are selling out. Is the trade conglomerate bribing the city planners? Can Beru and Ben stay together? And will the foundling that Beru takes in save their faltering marriage while they hope and pray for a 100-year rainstorm?

A PIECE OF PLANET 2: THE GRAPES OF HOTH: Ben and Beru Starkiller, along with their toddler, Luke, join a caravan of moisture farmers in search of a better life when a continent-sized dust storm means their farm can no longer produce moisture.

THE MANCHURIAN PRINCESS: The Empire has fallen and there is a tremendous amount of work to do reforging a new Republic. Leia, along with many of her fellow elected royalty, try to put the bad times behind her. But she notices others behaving strangely, and she herself begins having blackouts. Once she wakes up inside an y-wing fighter on an attack vector toward a hospital ship. What happened to her, and to the many other rebel diplomats who were held captive on one of Darth Vader’s ships? Could there have been a secret plan to revive the Empire if it ever fell, and could she be a part of it?

THE SPY WHO CAME IN FROM THE VACUUM: Garindon, who had long served as an imperial informant around Docking Bay 94, is finally free. His family has been released from an imperial prison and for the first time in years, he has no master but himself. All he wants is to be left alone to return to his family construction business. Unfortunately, the intelligence service of the New Republic has other plans for him. With charges of conspiracy and collusion hanging over his head, Garindon is sent out into one of the last holdout systems to dig up information on the fortress there. One last job, they tell him. Just this one.

Things “everyone knows” about obesity that aren’t supported by the evidence

Standard

“Everyone knows” the best ways to fight obesity, but how much of that information is supported by evidence? And how much of it is flatly contradicted by the evidence.

The Washington Post highlighted a paper in the New England Journal of Medicine that examined common beliefs about weight loss and compared them with the relevant research. It’s amazing how much is simple presumption without any basis in evidence, and also how much is straight up wrong.

I wish I had access to the full paper.

Added later: Don’t read the comments.

Marie Brennan’s reading for A Natural History of Dragons

Standard

Just came back (actually, I’m writing this at night and it’ll post in the morning) from the reading described above (author Marie Brennan can be found on LJ and Twitter as swan_lake) and you know what I came away with?

Voice. Voice, people. That was the big lesson I learned from reading all debut novels for a year. The one thing they all had in common was a strong voice.

Brennan is not a debut author by any means, of course, and the voice in A Natural History of Dragons is distinct and assured (also funny). Check out the excerpt.

The reading itself was fun. I actually talked to people. My wife was so happy when I told her about it later that she cheered and clapped me on the shoulder.

In which I have opinions on recent publishing news

Standard

First, as per James Nicoll and Making Light, Games Workshop, the game company that makes Warhammer 40K, is asserting a trademark claim to the term “Space Marines.” They have the trademark on the term in the gaming world, supposedly, but now that they’ve started publishing ebook tie-ins they’re claiming a common law trademark over the term and filing DMCA notices to make Amazon pull books from the shelves.

Of course, the writer they’re doing this to doesn’t have the money to fight back because deep pockets uber alles. If you’re a fan and customer of the company’s games, maybe you should stop buying from them until they clean up their act, and let them know about it.

Second, yet another article about the slow-motion collapse of Barnes & Noble written for The Atlantic this time. Is there any surprise, really, that our slow-motion recovery from a nasty economic collapse is still taking a toll on out-sized companies? Or that the agency-price collusion lawsuit filed in Amazon’s favor would be another cinderblock in B&N’s rowboat?

I’m not what you’d call a fan of B&N, although I will say that I’m less-likely to be given the side-eye when I shop for SF/F in a big chain than in an indie store. Also, I love seeing huge sections of a store devoted to genres, something you rarely see in indie corner shops.

What would be lost if the last of the big chains go under? We would lose a physical space designed to sell according to readers’ tastes rather than the tastes of the bookstore owner.

Third, Chuck Wendig wants to make today International Don’t Pirate My Book Day. His thoughts about treating art as a thing of value are worthwhile, but here’s where he and I differ: when you read my work without paying for it, it doesn’t hurt my feelings.

It’s pernicious, yes. It’s harmful in the long term. If I am giving something away for free, read for free. Enjoy. If not, I would prefer you pay. However, it doesn’t hurt my feelings because my feelings don’t enter into it.

I’ve talked about this before: In the digital world, price is not constrained by supply and demand. Supply is/can be effectively infinite, so there’s no reason for people to pay extra to procure scarce goods. However, the constraint on price is actually “theft;” the balancing act has to be “How much will users pay for this?” vs “At what price point will people just steal it instead?”

Really this is an inevitable consequence of our advertising/consumer culture, in which you the consumer deserve whatever you want when you want and it ought to be cheap as possible. That’s the culture that vendors of every size, from mom and pop stores to massive corporations, have been pushing for generations. It’s thoroughly internalized in our outlook on the world, and now that machines in our homes allow us to cut the actual producers out of the equation, people do so with gusto.

It’s pernicious, yes. Also, I know people will respond with “Customers are willing to pay if you make it easy for them to do so and keep the price low enough.” Yes, that’s true. It’s also a calculation that occurs solely within the head of the consumer. What’s a fair price? How long should I have to wait for it?

There will always be people who think the smart thing to do is to take what they want and give nothing back, if you get my reference. The real issue becomes the size of that group of consumers and how the culture at large talks about them. In my opinion, the battle against book piracy will not be won in courts or legislative chambers, but in the culture at large; what behavior is normalized? That’s the question.

Fourth and last, I’m going to a reading tonight and my body is in full allergic freak-out mode. I don’t have anything life-threatening going on, but the patchy red marks on my face and (fading now, thankfully) hives on my arms turn me from ugly guy to full AVERT! AVERT! status. Oh well.

Randomness for 2/6

Standard

1) The Periodic Table of Super Powers.

2) It’s Downton Abbey for Super Nintendo!

3) Leeroy Jenkins: the short film. Video.

4) The best way to eat from a Chinese takeout box. Video.

5) Dorothy Parker’s telegram to her editor.

6) Make your own pulp cover.

7) Yes, of course you’re sick of Gangam Style. But have you seen it done as flip-book animation? Video.

Bonus! Chicago comedian Joe Kwaczala got himself banned from OKCupid with this profile. This is funny as hell. Seriously.

See me see Marie Brennan

Standard

If you’re in the Seattle area, I thought I’d let you know that tomorrow, Wed. the sixth, I’ll be going to the UW Bookstore to hear Marie Brennan (@swan_tower) read from A Natural History of Dragons.

Todd Lockwood, who illustrated the book, will also be there. If you follow science fiction and fantasy art, you’ve almost certainly seen his work, and if you bought the Tales of the Emerald Serpent anthology, which contained my story “The One Think You Can Never Trust,” then you definitely have, along with one of his short stories.

Anyway, I’m not exactly a raconteur, but if anyone wants to come out and say hello I’d be happy to shake your hand.

Follow up to my new cover art post

Standard

Over the weekend I posted the cover art to my next novel. Here you can see it without the text, here you can see the preliminary pencil sketch.

Hey you guys, it’s the artist’s web site. Check out the other work he’s done. Every link in the page opens in a new tab, which is a little bit something but check it out.

On my Facebook page, there are currently 140 people who “like” me. Basically, they’re there to keep up with what I’m doing.

Unfortunately, the link to the post about that cover art was only seen by 62 of those people. Less than half. If these folks who are interested in hearing about my books want to actually hear about them, I’m gonna have to pay.

I’m not the first to say this, but this is stupid. If you want to put in a “promote” button, promote beyond the people who are already on my “like” list. Not to the people who have already signed up.

More and more I’m thinking that I should disconnect from FB (as a writer, at least) so that people won’t think they’re getting the latest news when they’re not. I’m becoming increasing convinced that it’s better to have nothing to do with a social media company than to make do with defective service.

I mentioned in the blog post that KING KHAN will be “upbeat and family-friendly,” and right away someone asked me if that meant they could hand it to their seven-year-old.

That was a bit of a stumper. There’s nothing in the book I wouldn’t show to my 11yo, but seven? There are hopping vampires, dirty cops, and period-appropriate (I hope) racism. At one point the action goes to a Sunset Strip nightclub taking part in the Pansy Craze. There are a handful of lechers, an island populated with beautiful women where men are kept in cages, and one mostly-elided sex scene. There is punching. There is shooting. There is stabbing.

I don’t think there’s anything in the book a kid can’t read, but a seven-year-old kid? The only way to know would be for a parent or guardian to read the book first to judge for themselves. Maybe I’ll do what my friends at Jet City Improv do, and change “family-friendly” to “TV-clean.”

The cover for my next novel… revealed!

Standard

Here’s the cover art for my new novel:

KingKhanCover.jpg-large

It’s one of the stretch goals for this project, a series of novels based on the Spirit of the Century role-playing game.

WHO is that HUGE MYSTERIOUS FIGURE reaching for Professor Khan?

WHERE could he be climbing that would be such a STRANGE ARCHITECTURAL JUMBLE?

WHY in the heck is he dressed in a zoot suit?

Yes, it’s Professor Khan: scientific genius, Oxford professor, unacknowledged war hero, interplanetary warrior, and gorilla. He also gets a styling new outfit and an adventure that takes him from his beloved England all the way to the big studios of 1930’s Hollywood.

This was a fun book to write because it had to be upbeat and family-friendly. Who knew I had it in me?

I don’t have a release date yet, but when I do I’ll post it here.

The Reddit Book Exchange

Standard

This is a cool thing:

Reddit is doing a book exchange for its members. Check out the details here.

Note: I’m not posting this because I’m hoping folks will spread Ray Lilly books around. I mean, you can if you want to, but it’s not exactly going to change things for me. The series is cancelled and it’s never going to earn out.

So go get some books, and share your favorites.

A Piece of Writing Advice That Always Seems To Surprise People

Standard

I didn’t watch PROJECT GREENLIGHT when it was on, but I heard a story about it that I really, really like. For those who don’t remember or care, it was a reality TV show in which a complete newbie was given the chance to make a million dollar movie in Hollywood, complete with name stars you’d recognize, the whole bit.

The story: After a difficult day of shooting in which they fell behind schedule, the producer came to see the crew–director, cinematographer, key grip, the whole bunch–and he was pissed. It was way too early for them to fall behind and they needed to get their shit together.

And who was he yelling at? The cinematographer, not the director. In response, the cinematographer smiled.

Why was he smiling when he was being yelled at? Because the guy who takes the blame is the guy who has the power. In this case, it wasn’t noob in the director’s chair. It was the man running the camera. When the producer yelled at him, the cinematographer knew he was the one who was really in charge.

Maybe that’s not a true story. Maybe it never happened. I keep telling it, though, because I like it.

What does this have to do with writing? Well, over the weekend I posted a long piece about the Twenty Palaces series, and why I wasn’t going to be Kickstarting the next one. If you’re the sort of person who wisely spends their weekends away from the web but who has been hoping for book number next for Ray Lilly, give it a read. It’ll disappoint you.

The response to it has been great; thanks very much for all the kind words I’ve received. However, a number of people have suggested that the books should have been a success but for bad marketing or clueless readers or whatever.

I don’t buy that. There’s only one cause of the failure of this series, and that’s me. I’m the one who wrote them. I’m the one who decided to leave the background mysterious rather than explained. I left out a romantic subplot. I did that, and a lot more. If they had been a success, you can believe I would be taking the credit. When they failed, I pushed the blame on no one but me.

Yes, there was bad luck. The economy crashed between the time I made the deal with Del Rey and the time the books came out. Circle of Enemies wasn’t on the shelves of B&N until two weeks after publication because a palette of books was damaged by Hurricane Irene. And of course Borders had just collapsed two months before.

None of that matters. Bad luck hits people all the time and they still manage to succeed. It was my job to write books that a lot of people wanted to read, no matter what obstacles got in the way, and I didn’t do it.

Plus, the fault wasn’t in the obstacles. Other writers have released books around the same time as I did, and they were entirely successful. What they could do, I could have done as well.

Anyway, this is a rule with me. No matter what happens, failure is always my fault. Every one-star review comes from my choices. Every lost sale is the same. If I write a book that editors don’t want to purchase, it’s on me for writing that book. Never mind that their line is full for the year, or that they hate books with cannibalism, or they just picked up a UF with an ex-con protagonist and mine is too similar. Never mind that they were hung over because their cat had just died, and they rejected everything that had come in that week.

It’s my job to break through all that. It’s my job to be so compelling they can’t turn away.

If you’re frustrated with rejection (and I know how hard it can be, I’m still living it) the answer isn’t to blame others: not publishing professionals who don’t understand your work/don’t know how to market a book/don’t support new writers the way they used to, not readers, not booksellers. The answer is to look at the book you just wrote and ask yourself “What should I do differently next time?”

Sometimes the answer is “Nothing.” Sometimes you’re proud of your work no matter how many rejections it got. There’s precious little I would change in the Twenty Palaces book.

But by taking the blame for failure, you keep hold of the power to succeed in the future. Better that than giving it away to a complete stranger with a hangover.

Take the blame. Keep control over your career.