Dorktosterone, Part 1


Just a couple weeks ago, MTV broadcast the sixth and final episode of season one for BULLY BEATDOWN (watch full episodes at this link), a new reality TV show that had me gaping at my tube.

Here’s the quick description: Jason “Mayhem” Miller, an MMA fighter who hosts the show, meets with young men who say a bully is kicking them around. These aren’t high schoolers, they’re grownup adults in their early twenties. Mayhem and victims together confront the bully in a public place, where the host waves $10,000 under their nose, telling them it’ll all be theirs, if their willing to go two rounds with a professional fighter in their own weight class.

Of course, if they get their ass beat, the money goes to their victims. And the bullies agree.

I’ve only seen four episodes, and they’ve all followed a very set structure. Mayhem in car introducing show. “Audition” video of the victims asking Mayhem for help. Mayhem meets victims. Mayhem and victim make offer to bully. Bully shows up at the fight gym to show what skills he has. Fight day: Bully preps for the fight with the trainer, who prompts him to say something nasty about the victims, and the bullies stupidly oblige (“A lot of my victims deserve to be bullied”). Victim meets the pro for that fight. Then, they get in the ring and the bully takes a nasty beating in front of a booing crowd, and everyone revels in it.

Afterwards, the bully promises to change his ways.

And really, without that final scene, which is almost certainly total bullshit in whatever passes for the real story behind these guys’ lives, but without that scene this show doesn’t even make sense.

“Vince” is a guy who answered a Craig’s List ad for an apartment vacancy and then beat up his roommate instead of paying rent. “Eriq” made copies of his ex-girlfriend’s car keys, then wrecked it, and he beats up anybody she starts to date.

What these guys really need is jail time, because they’re not just assholes. They’re criminals. And sure, the show wraps up with the bully humbled, often apologizing, but I’d be really curious to see if it took.

Still, watching these guys get the puke beat out of them is a fine, fine thing.