New York Trip Report (parts of which are even true!)

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In my previous post I mentioned that we’d already done the Empire State Building. One thing I forgot to mention is that the whole place still smells faintly of ape-feet. Neither time nor bleach can take out some odors, lemme tell you.

Afterwards, we couldn’t get into the American Museum of Natural History because it was going to close so we ended up chatting with people, eating pizza and generally taking it easy because Wednesday started early.

We’d been told to arrive by 7:30 at Battery Park to avoid the line for the ferry to Liberty Island and the Statue of Liberty. This meant we got up at 5:30, found breakfast, rode the subway, etc etc. Of course we were there way early, and my son and I had a chance to wander around the park a little while my wife waited in line (the tickets were in her name).

Did you know there’s a labyrinth you can walk in the park? I do now. Turns out that walking the whole thing transports you to Amber, the one true city. Weirdly, Amber looks exactly like Manhattan, except that the souvenir T-shirts all read: “I [cloudy yellow block] NY”. Luckily, walking the pattern in reverse transported me back.

Did I mention we got up at 5:30 am? That’s 2:30 Seattle time, and my son, who went to bed way early the night before, still didn’t get enough sleep. You know how you get a whole bunch of people together, there’s always one family with a whiny, inconsolable child? That was us.

Anyway, the statue itself was pretty awesome–I have pictures I’ll post later. Being right next to it, looking up, was overpowering. What’s more, it’s gorgeous as a physical object. Sadly, we didn’t buy our tickets early enough to get up to the crown so we didn’t have a close-up view of the stunt show all the way up on the torch. We didn’t see the whole thing, since it started while we were on the ferry to Ellis Island, but some folks nearby told us it was about communists in some way and we saw the big fall, so that was cool.

Ellis Island was amazing (for grownups). I got to stand where countless immigrants (possibly my own) waited on line to be allowed into the country. Kids, it turns out, don’t give a crap. Not too surprising, I guess, but I was glad to be the one who kept him occupied while my wife looked into her ancestry.

Wednesday night was the KGB Fantastic Fiction reading. I met Rose Fox and Josh Jasper there. Also Nick Kaufmann and his wife Alexa (who may have a blog, but I don’t know what it is) were both there, as was Priscilla (known to me as @priscellie on Twitter).

Did you know New Yorkers are all eight-feet tall? Even sitting, they blocked my view of the readers, but that only helped me focus in. Both authors were terrific, but Glen Hirshberg was really startlingly good.

Me, I was feeling my usual discomfort about being in a large group of people I didn’t really know, but folks were very nice and helped me acclimate at both the bar (which was crowded and loud–but not as much as usual) and the meal afterward.

The big deal for Thursday was that we’d set it aside to simply walk around the city, and we were lucky enough to have Rose and Josh to show us around. If the first two days were for big tourist attractions, this was a chance to visit a particular Malaysian restaurant, shop at the last remaining pickle sellers on the Lower East Side, stroll through Greenwich Village and stopping at a little mystery bookstore where I was able to pick up Nick Kaufmann’s Gabe Hunter novel (I’d already read his Chasing the Dragon, but not this.) In the end we watched a routine by Organized CHAOS at High Line Park–and while that may sound like one of my jokes, it’s not.

The visit to the High Line Park and the Meatpacking District lead to a more general discussion of the changes the city has undergone since my wife lived there in the seventies and eighties. The places that used to be havens for prostitutes and drug addicts are now fancy parks and sidewalk cafes. We rode the subways for most of a week and never felt unsafe. Rose explained that the C.H.U.D.s all live aboveground now (making them “C.H.A.D.s” now). And while we were passing a wine bar, who did I see sitting inside at one of the tables? A half-dozen Baseball Furies.

I guess I stared at them a little too long while we were waiting to cross the street, because a couple of them started reaching for their bats. At that point I raised my fist and said “Jeeeeeettteerrrrrrr!” and then everything was golden.

Anyway, it’s a beautiful city, nothing at all like the hellhole of the movies of my youth. It’s filled with people, activity, and life. I saw young people of different races sitting together on the subway talking like close friends (something I almost never see in Seattle, I’m sorry to say). The public transit system is fantastic and comprehensive, and best of all the city isn’t built to accommodate cars; it’s made for people. Lots of them.

And everything they say about the pizza? It’s all true! Bagels, too, omg.

Friday I visited the offices at Del Rey. I stupidly forgot to bring the address with me, although I knew the street and general location. I told my wife “The address has a five in it,” which did not amuse her as much as I’d hoped. Luckily, the building had been remodeled into a gigantic replica of George R.R. Martin’s face.

Lemme tell you, the security there was something else. As we entered the lobby, some security personnel were standing over a bloody corpse with a crayon-scrawled manuscript scattered around it. The woman who checked us in explained several times how we should use our badges to keep the elevator gas vents shut, and the actual doors out of the elevator lobby had a machine gun next to it.

Luckily, we were approved to pass through. Much Secret Writer Talk went on, and then we snuck out to Central Park for a picnic lunch and a ride on the carousel.

Actually, come to think of it I met my editor, her boss, and one of their marketing folks… and that’s it. There was, like, no one else there. Remember that Star Trek episode when Kirk beams a space gangster to the Enterprise and the gangster is all “I only saw one guy!” Well, I think about that big office building and that handful of people and… Nah, that’d be crazy!

After that we spent some time at the playground, then tried the natural history museum again. We got in this time, and I learned that Ben Stiller movies truly do not prepare us for the awesomeness of the real world.

We did other things, too, of course. I had lunch with my agent, saw something strung between midtown traffic lights that I took to be fishing line but which I now realize was Spider-webbing, ate incredible smoked salmon, signed copies of my books on bookshelves (btw reader of this post: buy my books), and sweltered on subway platforms waiting to be let into the cool, comfy subway cars themselves. God, it’s the first real vacation we’ve taken in years.

It’s a fantastic city. I wish we lived closer so my son wouldn’t get violently ill on the long plane ride.

Pictures in a future post.

Randomness for 5/18

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1) Better book titles, Strunk and White ed.

2) Brilliant street fliers.

3) Why SyFy cancelled SGU, in numbers.

4) Angry comic book fans are good for sales, apparently.

5) U.S. cities where women (childless, between 22-30 years old) earn more than men.

6) Mysterious “Surfing Madonna” mosaic appears in Encinitas, but city mayor calls it “graffiti”.

7) My son calls this the guy-cycle. Video.

I suck at blogging

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To make up for being kinda dull for the last couple of days, here’s a picture of a giant tree house made of candy (behind the cut).
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Randomness for 5/12

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1) Sci-fi IKEA manuals.

2) The first five Harry Potter novels abbreviated in comic form.

3) Since when did diligence become a psychiatric disorder?

4) Japanese TV show pranks a man with a haunted mirror. Video. I’m a bad person for laughing as hard as I did, especially after things got crazy. Be sure to watch the whole thing.

5) TV writer Doris Egan on The Moment They Figure It Out: open and closed plot structures, realization, and turning points, with a little Doctor Who thrown in for good measure.

6) “I will tell you a secret to make you stand out.”

7) “Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Vader Says” Oh god, for once, read the comments on this “article.” Let’s be CLEAR this is not a VADER victory but a victory of our boys in white, not to mention the leadership of Lord Tyrannus the Count Dooku who started the manhunt in the first place. LOL via Jay Lake

Date Night Asks Difficult Questions About Art And Mothering

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Last Thursday was Date Night for my wife and me. It was also First Thursday. That meant we spent our evening looking at Art.

But first, we took the boy to the zoo. Here’s a picture of a wolf:

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There are more pics at the set, all taken with my aggressively mediocre point-n-click camera, but you can see the dinosaur exhibit and also a back-alley mural showing gelflings and skeksis from THE DARK CRYSTAL. (Oh, Seattle)

Anyway, we had our date-night dinner at home for once, then caught the bus to the galleries in Pioneer Square. It was disappointing. All of it. I saw so much that was simply dull or uninspiring, or else it looked just like stuff I’d seen before. I mean, I’m sure there’s a buyer out there for landscapes in the Hudson River School, but it doesn’t tweak my interest in the slightest.

As I told my wife, it was disappointing, but I was willing to be disappointed every month for the chance to see something amazing.

From there, we headed up to the SAM. They had a huge party going on for First Thursday and their exhibits of Nick Cave’s Soundsuits.

Now, I thought the Soundsuits were amazing. Seriously. I loved them and found most (but not all) really affecting. There were one or two that made me want to commit narrative on them, but I didn’t feel up to it, creatively. Whatever I could do with them, it would have felt inadequate.

Have I mentioned that my wife went to several different art schools, including the Cooper Union, and that she studied fashion design, too? She responded to my “This is the real stuff” comments with a chilly “What makes you think so?”

From there, we had a discussion of art, of what makes the art community ignore one thing but praise something similar, and of originality. She told me her art teacher back in the 80’s was doing whole suits made of buttons (as some of the Soundsuits are) but that it was dismissed as women’s art. What made this acceptable? Because it was combined with the dance/movement aspect? Because it was made by a man?

Part of the appeal for me was that, according to our guide, the work was specifically without a political or cultural “message,” which several years of First Thursdays have shown me are difficult to pull off well. Interestingly, the young woman giving us a tour couldn’t resist including an anti-consumerist moral to the end of the tour, which spoiled an otherwise good job.

Another part of the appeal was the extraordinary detail of the work done. This led to another difficult discussion, mainly surrounding time, assistants, assistance, and the number of hours we all waste on day-to-day duties. We’ve had this conversation before: My wife is an artist, but she’s also a massage practitioner, a mother, an athlete… there are many demands on her time and interests. What’s more, she’s good at all those things. She loves doing all those things, and despite numerous efforts to arrange our lives so she had time for all those things as well as making art, we can never make it work.

What it comes down to is this: the only way to really make her art schedule work with the life we have would be to send our son back to school, and she doesn’t want to do that. I don’t think she’s all that excited about jumping into the local art scene, either.

I think she’s making peace right now with her choices, and acknowledging that the things making her happy are worthwhile, valuable things, while also acknowledging that things may change again in a few years. But she’s doing what every decent parent does: she’s putting her child’s needs above her own.

Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for a lot of people. Not every mother is a loving one, and there are way too many people who have little reason to love their mothers.

But my wife isn’t one of them. She’s given up a lot for her child, and while this life makes her happy, it’s still a sacrifice. Happy Mothers Day to her and everyone like her.

Randomness for 5/6

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1) The world’s first zombie-proof house.

2) It’s the newest fad! White guys across the globe are going to be sporting this baby soon. Real soon.

3) Amazing WWII monuments in Yugoslavia.

4) “Who is Osama bin Laden? Is he famous?”

5) If Superman was an alien in other movies.

6) “Imagine a man who buys a chicken from the grocery store, manages to bring himself to orgasm by penetrating it, then cooks and eats the chicken.” The ten oddest sentences from conservative editorialist David Brooks’s new book.

7) Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day: Which offerings are good and which are not? And if you drop by a comic shop, be sure to buy something, too.

I forgot to post this for Easter

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We aren’t Christians around here, but my wife has certain cultural traditions around the holiday that she doesn’t like to give up. Yeah, she stopped making Pasca because I didn’t like it (clove bread, yug), but no matter how crazy things are, she still steals time to sit down and do at least one of these:

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I looks even nicer in real life.

Randomness for 4/30

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1) 35 Fantastic Lego Ads.

2) Every Time Magazine cover in one image. Warning: big file

3) The Sartre Star Wars. Video. via Tor.com. The YouTube user’s other videos are pretty good, especially “Be A Good Sport, Sport.”

4) Now for a big change. Gorgeous… and I do mean gorgeous time lapse photography from a mountain in Spain. Video. Really amazing.

5) It’s been a while since I dropped politics into one of these link salads, but here’s one: Three important health care graphs. This is why I support effectiveness studies, which Republicans oppose: we’re already spending too much, and we don’t take the time to find out what works and what doesn’t. The first thing we should be cutting from our health care spending is a treatment that doesn’t work. Plus, I happen to believe we can learn something from the good examples of others.

6) Vintage condom posters.

7) This is awesome, and they need help from book collectors.

Randomness for 2/26

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1) This is crazy and awesome: Man builds functional CPU in Minecraft, using only redstone dust, torches, levers and stone. Of course it’s bigger than two city blocks (and I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about as he describes the parts, but it’s freaking awesome. via @laura_hudson

2) Try to watch this video without reading the comments first. It’s pretty funny and kind of brilliant.

3) The Gettysburg Address as a PowerPoint presentation.

4) Silent security cam footage of a tornado hitting St. Louis airport. Video. Brr.

5) Animated gifs as art.

6) Awesome! Check out the new trailer for THOR… as made my mockbuster crap-slingers Asylum Entertainment. Video.

7) Cousins fight over GAME OF THRONES tv show. lol.

Randomness for 4/21

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1) “Speed-climbing” the Eiger. This dude is nuts but the footage is gorgeous. Video.

2) “You will ripen with my child, faerie girl.” I don’t like to take digs at romance novels because so many people do it out of ignorance and misogyny, and I think the genre is unfairly maligned. Still, these excerpts from bad romance novels are pretty damn funny.

3) Curious to see what a professional comic book script looks like? Greg Rucka helps you out.

4) DIY Bacon Roses. via Jay Lake.

5) Ten Important Tax Charts.

6) Ten Deadly DIY Gadgets. The “flame gloves” pretty much qualify you as a Batman villain, and the crossbow that shoots machetes would be perfect for a zombie apocalypse, but it’s the car you can drive with an iPhone that really scares the hell out of me. via Jay Lake

7) An interactive map showing how much oil each country produced over the last fifty years. Just click “play.”