Randomness for 1/1

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1) The 50 Worst Columns of 2012. So many trainwrecks.

2) What would cities look like without light pollution? h/t Richard Kadrey

3) Outtakes for ST:TNG Season 2. Video.

4) Politics in 2012, in graphs and gifs.

5) WW2: Full of ridiculous plot holes. h/t James Nicoll

6) The lowest-grossing theatrical release of 2012 goes to Christian Slater’s latest. It was a one-week release, though, and averaged more than “The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure.”

7) Oldest and Fatherless: The Terrible Secret of Tom Bombadil. An oldie but a goodie.

Randomness for 12/11

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1) A motorcycle with a track instead of wheels, from 1939.

2) Do people gain weight during the holidays? Science says no, not usually.

3) A six-year-old tries to guess the plots of classic novels by their covers.

4) How much we care about Star Wars, graphed over time.

5) Look at this Instagram (Nickelback parody) Video. Not only have I never knowingly heard Nickelback once, but I have never been to Instagram. I still laughed at this.

6) Why is ‘w’ pronounced ‘double u’ rather than ‘double v’?

7) Author Christopher Priest shares his opinion of Robert McCrum, an associate editor of the Observer.

Randomness for 11/17

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1) Hilariously creepy Windows 95 “tips”

2) Develop A Strong He-Man Voice. Not just for dudes, obvs.

3) The anti-capitalist history behind the game Monopoly.

4) Why Authors Are Crazy (for gif lovers)

5) How readers discover a first novel: A case study. Also a commercial for Goodreads.

6) Tired of women coming into your recreational spaces doing things they like? Now you can buy an app of a cute girl watching you adoringly.

7) Raymond Carver’s OKCupid Profile. via @warrenellis

Randomness for 11/9

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1) http://hackertyper.com/ is awesome. via @BarrSteve

2) Secret doors hidden behind bookcases.

3) DRAGON BABY!

4) 12 ways to get the best glamour shot.

5) Advertising professionals make poster art out of their worst client feedback.

6) Guy takes pregnancy test as a joke and gets his life saved by reddit and a rage comic.

7) IMDB Top 250 in 2 1/2 Minutes. Video. A musical mashup and a movie mashup.

Randomness for 11/2

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1) Why was that cave troll in the Mines of Moria so angry? A new perspective. Video

2) Unfortunate product placement.

3) Twelve year old uses D&D to help his dad advance science.

4) A mousetrap, circa 1870.

5) If Yoda was white.

6) Jane Austen’s manuscripts, digitized.

7) Causes of Death You Won’t Want on Your Death Certificate

Who’s going to direct Star Wars 7?

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Joss Whedon: THE PRINCESS REBELLION. Leia discovers a plot to undermine the new democratically elected queen of the empire and must uncover the scheme, develop her own force abilities, and prove she’s innocent of the murder of her brother. (Han Solo dies horribly, ‘natch.)

Christopher Nolan: THE DARK SITH RISES. Obi-Wan has to de-ghost himself to face a charismatic enemy, the clone of Annakin Skywalker. But is he truly a bad guy? (Spoiler: yes)

Kathryn Bigelow: THE HAN LOCKER. Han Solo leads a team of rugged but unstable fighting men against a hold-out band of stormtroopers armed with a death star-level cannon.

Brad Bird: THE KNIGHTS. The evil empire has been overthrown, but people are not ready to accept the return of the Jedi order as peacekeepers and intergalactic cops. A family of young Jedi must prove that everyone is special, no matter how pathetically low their midichlorian count might be.

Michael Bay: STUFF EXPLODES. Boba Fett rises out of the sarlacc like Princess Rita. Stuff explodes in a barely comprehensible way. Jar Jar plays a large supporting role and doesn’t even get killed.

Sofia Coppola: LOST IN TRANTHELLIX. An aging Luke Skywalker visits a distant planet for a lucrative speaking engagement, and befriends a gorgeous young gungan woman in an unhappy marriage.

Joe Cornish: ASSAULT THE MEGABLOCK. A towering skyscraper in one of Coruscant’s slums finds itself under attack from an accidentally-reactivated squad of Clone-War-era battle droids. (“Stop calling me Roger!”)

Wes Anderson: THE FANTASTIC MR. EWOK. A band of ewoks try to live like high-tech citizens of the empire, but are driven into an impotent frenzy by the way everyone speaks with their hands hanging motionless at their sides.

Amy Heckerling: LOOK WHO’S DUELING. It’s hijinks galore at the Jedi Academy for babies, where the massive midichlorian counts of the children allow the babies to wield lightsabers and oh god I just can’t go on with this.

Randomness for 10/18

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1) A custom-made court room for your home, the gift for the person who has everything except a room to be an asshole to their kids.

2) Economists study/work to regulate online video game economies.

3) It turns out that “Christ, what an asshole” isn’t just for New Yorker cartoons.

4) Can Dungeons & Dragons Make You A Confident & Successful Person? | Idea Channel | PBS Video

5) Comparing Photoshopped Victoria Secret pictures with their unretouched originals.

6) Catch the Ice, Dude. Video. omg, so funny.

7) Craziest Desktop Computer Rigs for the Home.

Randomness for 9/27

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1) “Because in my own way, I can (unfortunately) point out exactly what is wrong with men when they don’t realize how hard it is to be a woman. How we do not have equal opportunities and freedoms in everyday life. How most men, even good caring men, have no clue what we go through on a daily basis just trying to live our lives.” Warning: That could be triggering.

2) In Plain View: How child molesters get away with it.

3) Are you at a hipster wedding? A flowchart.

4) Thirteen congressional candidates with interesting ideas.

5) How to make the perfect ice cube.

6) Interested in giving up masturbation? Try 50 Cent’s four-step plan.

7) i09 calls this “The worst death scene ever comitted to film.” I was doubtful until I watched it.

Randonmess for 9/17

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1) In a Mass Knife Fight to the Death Between Every American President, Who Would Win and Why?

2) Little kittens battle each other in B&N review section: “Will you make an alliance with tigerclan?”

3) The Proper Way To Lock Your Bicycle.

4) Bat Man of Shanghai. Video.

5) Real Lady Sleuths.

6) How to cut your own hair.

7) Over-the-counter DIY witchcraft from the 19th century: The (annotated) Long Lost Friend. Available on Amazon.com

Real Review or Sockpuppet? A Handy Guide

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There’s been an awful lot of talk lately about sockpuppet reviews: essentially, dishonest reviews posted under pseudonyms that either praise books or slam them. Sometimes the author themself is writing the review. Sometimes it’s a firm they hired, or friends. Sometimes the review was written out of spite by someone who hasn’t read the book.

Still, book buyers say they still use reader reviews to help decide whether they will buy a book or not. So! How can a reader tell the difference between a genuine response to a book and a review written for those Nefarious Other Purposes?

Allow me to illustrate some basic principles from the fictionalized examples below. And feel free to play along? Sockpuppet? Or Real?

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At first glance, this might seem like a sockpuppet. Look at how effusive that praise is! And completely unqualified! But note that the reviewer makes sure to mention that they totally found the book at random, not because they were intrigued by the premise or the author’s other work. It was just crazy luck! Convincing? I say yes.

Also, there’s no way this could have been written by, say, the author’s friends. My God, it’s like, two sentences. Two and two words. What kind of shitty friend would take the trouble to post a fake review but only write a line or two?

Verdict: Real

*****

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If you thought this sockpuppet review was the real thing, then I feel genuine pity for you, my friend. Look at it again and you’ll see within those few words a brutal personal attack on the author. To whit:

What kind of inhuman monster says they would recommend a book to their friends and then give it only three stars? Have YOU ever looked at a three-star review and thought “Gosh, I should pluck that out of the ceaseless tsunami of printed matter washing past me every day!”

Of course not. That’s a clear and obvious taunt directed at the author.

Verdict: Sockpuppet

*****

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A less-savvy observer might view this as a kind of author advertising, most likely placed by the author themself!

However, note the run-on sentence and sloppy spelling (er… in the review, not the body of this post). Would a sensible author write so poorly? I think not. What’s more, the book named in the review is on the Kindle, which means there is almost certainly a free excerpt available. These books are pretty much uniformly terrible. Would an author want readers to sample a terrible book? The idea itself is ludicrous.

Verdict: Review.

*****

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The raw, vicious hatred behind this review is clear on its face.

Verdict: Sockpuppet.

Remember, authors: Any review that makes you feel bad is probably a personal attack.

Remember, readers: Any review that makes you reluctant to buy one of my books is absolutely a fake.

I hope you found this lesson helpful.