I think parents around the world would find this word useful.

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Per this thread on Making Light, I proposed a definition for the word “darf”. I re-post it here to secure my place in the glorious history of the English language.

“Darf” v. to claim to be engaged in and winning a non-existent fight or contest against a more powerful opponent. Usage: “That’s when I discovered my son had been darfing me in a potato chip-eating race.”

Yes, I’m aware that there are a couple of “definitions” (picture air quotes here) at urb*nd*ct**n*ry.c*m, but the misogyny and trollish excess on that site makes me sick. Therefore, I pretend it doesn’t exist.

As a side note: anyone reading this who works for Random House… warning! Click that first link above!

As an other-side note: I’m still mildly sick, but I’m at work today. What the hell; I might as well be miserable here as at home.

Randomness for 2/22

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1) Part two of the screenwriter stalker story! with bonus Brad Pitt at a urinal. And here’s Part 3. (Here’s part 1, in case you missed it.)

2) More OKCupid data crunching: this time about “older” women.

3) Remember the American version of Godzilla from 1998? Well, an early draft of the script was written by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, the guys who wrote PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, SHREK, MASK OF ZORRO and ALADDIN, among others. Although their script was very different from the version that was filmed and released, some elements were kept and they ended up with credit. Sometime in the last 12 years, they posted their final draft online so people could compare the work they did with the finished movie. Well, someone has taken it upon themselves to turn that script into a webcomic. It’s not finished, but it is pretty cool.

4) Hot dog salad dressing??? 20 Unholy Recipes, Dishes So Awful We Had To Make Them. via Jay Lake

5) An insider’s guide to writing for Mills & Boon. Interesting stuff.

6) That “Ten Rules For Writing” article in the Guardian Part one, Part two. Those are fun to read, even the ones I disagree with.

7) Bertie Wooster as Bruce Wayne.

Things that aren’t a secret

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It’s no great secret that Man Bites World is way past deadline. What startled me though was that I looked through my “goof” file for this project, and I realized I started writing it over a year ago. A quick glance at my LJ from that time shows that I was struggling with the outline back in early Jan. ’09.

Now, the revisions for Game of Cages took up a bunch of last year, but reviewing my progress notes suggest that it didn’t take that much time. I’ve just been struggling with this story.

::shakes fist at Word document::

In which I disagree with Patrick Rothfuss and John Scalzi

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While skimming around Scalzi’s blog, I found a link to this post by Patrick Rothfuss about advice for aspiring writers, along with a note by John saying he agrees. I recommend clicking through and reading it (if you want) but the Readers Digest version is that aspiring writers should live somewhere cheap so they have plenty of time to write.

One of the places Rothfuss mentions is Seattle, my own adopted hometown, as though people would need to work 70-hour weeks to survive, and when would those city folk do their writing, huh? When?

Well, hey, I was an aspiring writer in Seattle for almost two decades and I never worked a 70-hour week in my life. At first, I shared an apartment for several months, crashing on a friend’s couch. That was back in ’89-90. Then we rented a house–a thousand bucks a month split four/five ways, depending who had come and who had gone.

Then my wife and I moved in together back in ’94. We’ve lived in the same apartment since then, with only a couple of minor rent increases.

Yeah, on one hand we’re lucky. On another we’re typical. We decided to live cheaply and we have. We don’t own a car. We just cancelled our cable. We don’t own a cell phone or an x-box, and if my wife were more tech-savvy we’d be all over Skype. My wife walks to the supermarket with a cart and carries our groceries home. I ride the bus to work (which is less than 30-minutes away, by design). My wife and I both have part-time jobs (if you don’t count my writing, which I don’t for this discussion). We work three days, homeschool the other three.

I don’t say this to crow about my virtue, such as it is. It’s really not a matter of virtue. It’s about choices. Living in a city means I can pinch pennies that non-urbanites can’t. It also means that I have access to public services that make it possible to live poor. The downtown bus that goes near my apartment is considered to run on a meager schedule, but that only means it passes by every 45 minutes. And if I take it the other way, I can ride to one of the largest parks in the city.

And that doesn’t even touch on our library system here, which is wonderful despite the belt-tightening that’s been ongoing.

You know what else helps? Living wages. The median wage in Southcentral Wisconson non-metropolitan areas is less than $13.50 an hour. In Seattle, it’s nearly twenty bucks. Yeah, it’s balanced by a higher cost of living, but there are ways to make that money go farther.

Above all that, you have museums, concerts, galleries, independent bookstores, and people. Lots and lots of people to meet.

What I’m saying isn’t that Rothfuss is wrong (actually, I’ll say that here: “He’s wrong”), it’s that you don’t need to run off to Small Town, USA to have time for your writing. You don’t need to work 70-hour weeks (or even 60- or even 40- hour weeks) to survive out here. You just have to want it.

Now, once you have a writing contract and are making your pennies from your books, that might be the time to run off to the hills and live cheap on your advances–if you can give up all those libraries and museums.

Randomness for 2/11

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1) Jessa Crispin, editor and founder of Bookslut.com, writes a largely critical article about Jeff VanderMeer’s Booklife. As a response, VanderMeer interviews her on his blog. Now THAT is a smart response to a negative writeup.

2) Peter Osnos on Macmillan vs. Amazon.com.

3) An important chart for urban fantasists.

4) Weird stalker calls, and how to end a story on a dramatic note.

5) Jimmy Dean’s iPhone accessories.

6) Polls show that 70% of Americans support allowing “gay men and lesbians” to serve in the military, but only 59% support allowing “homosexuals” to serve. Rational actors? I don’t think so.

7) Anne Rice to release a “Vook.” FYI Perez Hilton loved it.

Well don’t I feel all special

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Now that I’ve joined SFWA, I can follow the Nebula Awards nominations, tracking them as they pile up. It’s like a horse race, but the people involved move very slowly.

In case anyone asks, I’m not on there, of course, and I didn’t expect to be. I’m also not asking people to nominate my book or whatever. I’m not writing the sort of work that wins awards, and I won’t be any time soon. It’s not a concern. In fact, I posted my joke bio on the Campbell Award page. I won’t win and I don’t care.

One thing I *do* care about is that I haven’t nominated anyone yet. I’ve only read one new sf/f novel this year–I’ve bought a bunch, but only read one. It’s already near the front of the pack, but maybe my nom would do it some good.

But is that fair? My sample size is one–shouldn’t I keep out of the whole mess? There may be ten or twelve novels that deserve the award more, but how would I know? I’m still reading mystery novels from the sixties and Planet Hulk.

So, should a person nominate books for an award if they’re not well read in the field?

An ebook idea

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Microsoft Word’s annoying “comment” feature gave me a weird idea–which maybe you’ve already heard about from other people, but I’ll post it here in case it’s the newest thing in newville.

Background: for many years, local Seattle writer David Schmader gave live performances in which he played the schlocktastic movie SHOWGIRLS and delivered a running commentary for a live audience. I never went to one of his performances because a) it would involve going outside and b) it’s SHOWGIRLS, but the shows were so popular that the studio offered to let him do the show as a commentary track on the DVD.

That’s almost tempting.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about ebooks and people’s desire to resell them used. I’m not too keen on that idea, for reasons that I don’t necessarily want to go into, but it occurred to me that there are a lot of books that could stand to have a commentary track.

Would you be interested in an ebook of Lord of the Rings with interspersed comments by Tom Shippey? Would you want to read David Hines’s comments on John Ringo’s Paladin of Shadows books? Jo Walton’s take on… whatever?

The novels could be sold as an annotated edition–slightly more expensive than the original ebook, with payment going to the original publisher (and author) and a small fee going to the annotater. It wouldn’t be a “used” book the way paper books are sold, but it would be a value-added way for ebook readers to resell their content–and readers who were especially insightful (or, to be honest, snarky) could start a nice little side business.

Just an idea.

Edited to add: Actually, I’m not done writing about this. More in a bit.

Edited to add, redux: I meant to talk about this 70-minute slam review of The Phantom Menace, which everyone has been linking to lately. I’d planned to link to it, too, right up to the point that I watched it.

To explain: it’s seventy minutes of breaking down the many ways in which the film failed, and how George Lucas became too big to be “edited,” and how to establish audience sympathy, set up a protagonist, dramatize a dilemma central to the plot, etc. Interesting stuff, and it’s very professionally done.

The downside is that the reviewer decided to do the job in character. The conceit of the critique is that this is a film made by a brain-damaged serial killer–a guy so totally screwed up he’s one step away from a monster, and yet even he understands how badly Lucas blew it. So, between the comments about Qui Gon’s character and the utter muddle of the film’s plot, we get a bunch of goofy comments about women chained in the basement, f-bombs, disembodied voices, and general misogyny. Thanks for making sure I can’t watch this with my kid, filmmaker. So, a lot of useful insight and a lot of distasteful humor.

But this is something I’d expect to see on the annotation market, as I’m going to call it now. Readers as characters–Joe Bob Briggs or Red Mike, dialogs between the reader (as straightman) and an evil alter-ego).

Which would be kinds cool.

I’d envision the market working like this: A year for the book to be on sale. After that time, annotated versions could be sold alongside the un-annotated versions through the same online sellers. Publishers and authors would be able to have annotated versions that were not actual commentary pulled (for instance, a reader who posts their own fiction/fanfiction as annotations to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows would not be legit) but would be able to pull annotations because they were excessively critical.

I guess it would never happen in real life, but I like to think about it.

Randomness for 2/7

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1) Anthony Bourdain schooled by 10-year-old.

2) MANBABIES!! I had nightmares because of that site, so you should, too.

3) Available at Booksellers Everywhere Except Amazon. Macmillan takes out a full page ad in the NY Times.

4) A defense of Elizabeth Gilbert. I loved reading this. I’m not someone looking to read Gilbert’s books, but I’m also not all that keen to hear her being held to a different standard than male authors, or to be cut down because she decided she was going to live a different sort of life.

5) The differences between indie authors and indie musicians. Related: The difference between the music industry and trade publishing.

6) Stop motion with shadow art. I’m torn between my admiration for the artistry and the cheesy anime subject matter. Also, did they have to countdown the filenames?

7) Jerry Pournelle remembers those who lost their lives in the Challenger disaster. I almost wish I read his books, so I could swear never again. Almost.

Wrapping up for the day

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The Valentines contest winner has been chosen. Macmillan books are back on Amazon.com’s shelves (I can’t figure out whether the two companies reached a deal or Hatchet’s announcement that they were going to an agency model took the wind out of their sails).

And tomorrow, February 6th, is going to be the two year anniversary of the day my agent and I accepted Del Rey’s offer for Child of Fire. I’ll be celebrating a couple of different ways. For instance, I won’t be bringing my lap top to the coffee shop in the morning, just my galleys. I don’t know what I’ll do later, maybe (gasp!) watch a movie! Shocking, I know.

Amazonfail: ending?

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It appears that Amazon.com has been reinstating Macmillan books on their site. I guess that means I can reenable the links on my side bar.

Which I’ll do. Eventually.