Unjuice Fast, Day 1.5


I’m part way through the second day of my “unjuice fast,” in which I partake of a juice fast that focuses on ingesting large amounts of green veg and nothing else, except without actually juicing them. Instead, I’m setting a large bowl of uncooked, undressed greens beside me and chowing down.

Yes, it’s been difficult. (Details, and some digestive TMI, behind the cut) This morning I woke at 8 am, filled a bowl with six kale leaves, four celery stalks, one carrot, two apples, a bunch of cauliflower, a handful of baby greens, and I started eating. It took me four hours to get through it all.

Everything has to be carefully, completely chewed. Everything. That takes forever. By the time I finished it was past lunch time.

What’s more, this is hard on my teeth and gums. I’m already spitting blood when I brush my teeth, and my teeth have begun to *ache*.

Finally, I’m drinking a ton of water because I’m eating a ton of fiber. My diet has always had a fair bit of fiber in it, but I’m at epic levels here. I need the water so I don’t get… er… blocked up.

So far, that hasn’t been a problem. At all. As a result, I’m sticking pretty close to the bathroom.

The other awful thing is that I’m gassy as hell. (Sorry ladies, I’m taken).

Anyway, I’m not sure this is working. The point of juicing all those greens is so you can hit your body with a massive influx of nutrients. Personally, I don’t mind eating all that veg, but I don’t think it’s physically possible to get it all in me. One dose takes over four hours to consume, and I finish just in time to start work on lunch.

I don’t think I can keep up with that pace. Worse, juicing addicts claim they feel invigorated, but I just feel bloated and tired. And my guts are rumbling non-stop.

Of course, this is what happens any time I do a fast or restrict my food intake: my brain tries all kinds of tricks to undermine me. Despair, which I talked about in a previous post, is just one of them. There’s also all the “common sense” worrying about the effect I’m having on my body. There’s the focus on every uncomfortable moment. There’s the confidence that this would be better done at a later time, maybe after I buy that juicer.

In other words, my own brain is a traitor. Worse yet is the inhuman monster I fathered, who has left a slice of pizza sitting out on the dining table.

Anyway, I have deliberately not weighed myself because this isn’t about that. I’m going to get up in a few seconds to move around a bit; with luck, I won’t break out in hives.