funny

America Speaks Out

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The GOP has put up a site (for now) asking regular folks to suggest ideas for their agenda. Of course, everyone who contributed did so in a serious and respectful manner…

“I should have the right to name my children using numbers. If I want to name my child l33t, I should be able to name him that, darsh gone it. Who is the guberment to say that I can’t name my children using numbers?”

“we should make english the official language of the US and stop spending tax dollars on translations for mexicans! if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans. ”

“Give a pair of truck nutz to all americans! Because there’s nothing more manly and american than a pair of balls hanging from your pickup truck. Take THAT Al Qaeda!”

“Please put an end to the liberal elite trampling my rights to be free in a country founded on freedom. This only applies to me and other white people who were born here, though, nobody else.”

“Build a wall along our borders. Not a wimpy fence. China did it and the toursim dollars the wall brings in will more than pay for the cost. I’m thinking a 1000 feet high and a 100 feet or more thick. A man made mountain range. That’ll keep people out! P.S. Canadians are a bigger threat to our security than we realize. Did you realize the late Peter Jennings’ Canadian, yet hosted an American news program? They can blend in unnoticed into our society and our border with them is totally demilitarized!!! They can just sneak across and pretend to be Americans, with their stinkin’ European-wannabe socialism. P.P.S. Maybe anchor some mines along our coastal waterways so no one sneaks in on boats. ”

“let’s take away all of the guns from everyone and build a giant robot that has thousands and thousands of guns that will be fired and reloaded automatically by mechanical parts ”

“I think we should free Xenu from the electric mountain trap. Xenu would be able to get rid of two of America’s major problems: Bin Laden and Tom Cruise. All praise XENU! ”

“I think all americans should bathe in Nuclear Waste. This has been shown to be an effective tactic in the past of transforming the human body into something more powerful and superhuman. With a nation of powerful mutants, not only would we prevent ourselves from being invaded, we would have a wildly powerful offense with millions able to fly, shoot lasers from their eyes and take bullets. Ninja Cats would still prove to be a problem.”

“I would like to see a river of fire built between the US and Mexico. I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case. ”

“Stop listening to so-called “scientists” with their “facts” and “knowledge”. Jesus didnt need science and neither do we! ”

“Force the Grand Ole Opry to reinstate Hank Williams, Sr. “

Randomness for 5/24

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1) “I am merely giving you your problem” Emma Thompson’s character in STRANGER THAN FICTION would have called this webcomic “fantastically depressing.”

2) An interview with indie comics writer Shawn Granger.

3) Awesome Lovecraftian furniture.

4) Shit my kids ruined. aka “The strongest visual birth control on the market today.”

5) “I’m 16. I got a book deal when I was 15. There are authors that were published at 13 and 14 and I always find myself thinking, God, must I fail at everything I do? They were published younger than me!” I posted that excerpt because it made me LOL, but it’s unfair out of context. The writer’s point is pretty much the opposite of what that excerpt implies.

I can only defend that quote one way: LOL.

6) Sixteen items Wal Mart sells only in China. via Jay Lake. Mmmm. Unpackaged meats. Vegetarians, you might not want to click that link.

7) @BPGlobalPR: a fake British Petroleum account. Topical, funny and very dark. “The good news: Mermaids are real. The bad news: They are now extinct. #bpcares”

Randomness for 5/18

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1) Producer Linda Obst on Why movies suck so much right now. Don’t miss the comics fanboy outrage in the comments.

2) 2010 Best illusion of the year. For best effect, watch the video before reading the article.

3) Robbing from the poor (writer)–how NOTTINGHAM, a script that featured the Sheriff of Nottingham using CSI techniques to track a wanted terrorist and which was the hottest script at auction in Hollywood for a while, became the completely tedious ROBIN HOOD. Aka why modern movies suck part 2

4) You know how neat-freaks have germ pron? This is vertigo pron. Gah! Heights!

5) Why I don’t get Archie comics for my son anymore.

6) via madrobins: A real-life Miss Marple for the internet age. International access to chat sites, fake online identities and suicide pacts. Jesus, this would make a great book (and I’m sure someone is already writing it).

7) Inappropriate Golden Books.

Again, this is brilliant

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Facebook users, this is embedded video. Click through to the blog entry to watch it.

Sorry Gary.

Randomness for 5/13

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1) Facebook privacy default settings, and how they’ve changed over time, in convenient chart form. I have a FB account, but I never put anything there I wouldn’t put on my main blog.

2) Some folks are still claiming that health care reform will not save any money, and that the claimed savings are the result of budgetary gimmicks. That’s not true, and here’s why.

3) Paging David Prill! David Prill to the white courtesy phone, please!

4) The July 1690 issue of Cosmopolitan.

5) What you see here is a Men’s Room at the Hilton, and I don’t know if I could pee here.

6) Is “indie” authorship finally coming into its own? I’m not ready to go direct-to-Kindle, but it’s still an option. The sad(ish) thing is that I don’t have an extensive backlog of unpublished novels; I cut my teeth writing spec screenplays. Personally, I’m sure as hell not ready to give up on traditional print publishing. Sales of Kindle editions might be profitable, but it’s still a small pond. Growing, but still small. I want my book to reach as many readers as possible.

7) The Onion on childhood obesity.

Via MightyGodKing

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This is crazy fun.

Facebook users, that’s embedded video. Click through to see it. Sorry you can’t watch it at work, Gary.

Joke trailer better than real one

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Well, I assume it will be better.

I received an email an hour ago letting me know that someone had created an animated trailer for my two books. The emailer didn’t realize that the first comment on that thread was from me (although judging by the f/u email, they did immediately after they hit SEND). Still, it’s pretty damn funny.

Also, I’ve been seeing links to it here and there, some by people I know and some by strangers–there’s something weirdly hypnotic about disco dancers with book heads, I guess. Something weirdly hilarious, too.

Would the trailer I’m planning to make convince as many people to link to it? I don’t know, man. I don’t know.

In honor of the day

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Happy Mother’s Day.

It’s amazing!

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I mention that I want to make a book trailer, and a reader made one for me!

The folks at Random House are going to be so excited!

Randomness for 5/6

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1) Arizona’s new immigration law made simple.

2) Hey, if they wanted privacy, they wouldn’t be doing it in the woods!

3) Women who are awesome.

4) Williams Syndrome, part 2.

5) Automatically generate a very popular or unpopular TED Talk. Here is the TED Talk lecture that explains it all.

6) Microflora inside the human body, and how it relates to digestive illness, obesity, and other health issues. It’s amazing how little we still know about our own bodies.

7) I hate to bury this one at the bottom of the list, but I don’t want to delay posting it until the next link roundup: The Racial Politics of Regressive Storytelling. For some years, DC had been recasting “legacy” heroes with non-white characters. The new Atom was Chinese-American (and awesome!). The new Blue Beetle was a Mexican-American kid (and a lot of fun, if not as awesome as The Atom). I never read the new Firestorm, probably because my library doesn’t carry it. Now they’re pushing them to the side so they can “bring back” the original characters. Idiots.