reasons i suck

Living inside a movie

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Tor.com guest blogger Don T. Careallthatmuch writes a ridiculous post suggesting that Pandora, the fictional planet that serves as a setting for the movie AVATAR is where people were meant to live.

Fun quote: “Isn’t this how we were meant to live, and might live again? Hunting the forest, leaping through the canopy, killing beasts, taming others, enacting meaningful rituals? It’s the same dream offered by Tolkien’s Middle-earth—to be peaceful, nature-bonded hobbits, quietly growing crops, smoking pipes, drinking ale and laughing. An alluring fantasy life to be sure. And one perhaps worth fighting for.”

Don left out “crapping in holes” but whatever. This reminds me of something I heard Spider Robinson say at the late, lamented NW Bookfest some years ago (I paraphrase from memory, of course). He said that he reads science fiction because he wants to read about societies of the future, advanced societies where he can imagine living. Fantasy readers, he assumed, were doing the same thing–which made them fools. The typical human in a pre-industrial Europe worked incredibly hard and was incredibly uncomfortable; he’d tried to live a self-sustaining farmer’s life, and it was a nightmare. Fantasy readers, he concluded, were idiots.

Never mind that many, many people do not read books because they’re daydreaming about living in the setting. Sure, I might imagine how cool it would be to fight like Aragorn, kicking monster ass and getting to be king at the end, but that doesn’t mean I’d walk through a portal marked “Middle Earth: Entrance Only.”

I think something that throws people about this is that these action movies are taking place in a wacky setting. If I read a crime novel, does that mean I want to have a knife fight with a junkie in an alley? Hell no. Do I want to drive an souped-up car across a post-apocalyptic Australian wasteland? No and no again.

I enjoy the hell out of those sorts of stories, though. I may imagine myself standing alone on a bridge as the goblin warriors rush at me, or piloting a spaceship through a firefight, or confronting a vampire in it’s lair, but that’s part of enjoying an adventure story.

But to actually go there and do that? For real? Pass. And I think most sane people would agree.

At this point, let me tell you about a very good, very old friend of mine. At one point, he told me he was going to join the FBI. This was something of a surprise, because this was a guy who’d given up the chance to run his own martial arts school to pursue acting. He’d owned a bicycle repair business, repaired rental hardware for Lowe’s, produced documentaries and DVD extras, built movie sets, etc. But wear a suit and investigate people for the federal government? Where did that come from.

“The X-Files,” he said. Now, he knew it was a little ridiculous as he said it. He knew he couldn’t join the FBI to hunt aliens, but he’d enjoyed that show so damn much that he wanted to jump into it. (He cancelled his application midway through because he knew it was laughable, but still). There are scientists who were inspired by Star Trek, martial arts students who studied wu shu because of Jackie Chan, fencing students inspired by The Three Musketeers, kendo students inspired by Toshiro Mifune.

Yeah, there are people who love a story enough to try to make it part of their lives. But to give up everything and rush off to neverland? I look forward to Don’s future posts from the jungles of the Amazon. As for me, I’d consider it if it was an honest-to-god utopia and I could bring my wife and son. But probably not. I don’t hate my life that much, and I don’t want to crap in a hole.

Dammit

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Page 141. And to make things worse, I’m sure I’ve pissed off my wife by working later than I said I would. I’ll have to go home and see.

Why is it that every time I actually keep track of my work progress, I’m disgusted by the result?

“Lurking with intent”

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I’m on page 123. Check that against the timestamp from my previous post to see how slow I am.

In my defense (you knew I’d make excuses, yeah?) I happened to hit one of the delicate parts of the book. Certain scenes with elevated action–very powerful emotions, very intense magic, monsters, whatever–require extremely careful handling or they turn maudlin or ridiculous.

I’m not finished for the day, though. I’m going to take my computer across the street to the diner and work through lunch, then it’ll be time to work at the library.

There *is* something I’d meant to mention in my previous post that I completely forgot: One nice thing about the Game of Cages cover art (I’m not shameless enough to link to it again, don’t worry) is that you can see the guy, and he isn’t standing at the shadowy entrance to an alley or something.

For a lot of years, urban fantasy with male protagonists have been these “lurking with intent” covers, where the protagonist looks like a guy you’d circle the block to avoid. Does he have nothing better to do than stand around in the dark? Get that guy a job or a hobby or something.

Anyway, it’s nice to see Ray standing in the light, with no hint of skulking about him.

Now: food! And more revisions.

I’m supposed to be working

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So of course I’m typing this instead. Here’s my life in convenient bullet-list form, which is how I experience it myself.

* I uploaded a larger jpg of the Game of Cages cover, so anyone who missed it the first time or thought it was too dark or small can really see it now. It’s practically actual size.

* I just put the signed contracts for Russian language editions of CoF and GoC in the mail. Yay! Last night I took a deep breath and sat down to read through them, only to discover they were a civilized two pages long, with one column in Russian and one in English. Easy-peazy.

* As evidence that I am still not caught up on my sleep, I just used the phrase “easy-peazy” for the first time in my life. No, I have not been transformed into an adorable urchin in a 1950’s sitcom. I’m just feeling odd and out of sorts.

* Yesterday I got back on the “read faster” bandwagon with my current library book. As I mentioned before, I read more slowly than any novelist I’ve ever heard of, and at this point it’s a real hindrance on my productivity. The polish of Man Bites World I’ve been working would have been finished long ago if I were someone else; as it is, I’m on page 115 of 381. After I finish this post and one or two other online duties, I’ll post how far I’ve gotten at the end of my work day. Shame is a great motivator.

* If anyone is curious about the book I’m reading, it’s Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, And Why by Laurence Gonzales. It’s a bit of a narrative wander, but the subject is fascinating. So far, I recommend it highly, especially if you’re interested in why people seem to do exactly the wrong thing in stressful situations.

* Someone on Justine Larbaletier’s blog recommended Mac Freedom, a free software download that turns off a Mac’s wireless for any length of time the user wants. My eyes bugged out of my head, because this was the thing I’d always wanted without knowing it. I headed to download.com to read their review of it first, and was startled to see the review say it was a silly program because a Mac’s wireless capability was trivially easy to turn off already.

It took me a moment to realize they meant clicking the little fan in the upper toolbar. Yeah, it’s trivially easy to turn off, but it’s also easy to turn back on when I’m stuck or frustrated. Do they expect me to have some sort of self-control? I’m not made of stone, people!

Okay. More coffee, then on to page 116.

Giftmas

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This Christmas, my wife bought me a Wii Fit Plus and a huge (as in eight inch by five inch tin with a candy bar in it. At first, I was surprised by this. Wouldn’t the “Dark Chocolate Caramel & Sea Salt Bark” counteract the exercise games?

Apparently not, because I’m not the one who was supposed to be eating it. I had, in fact, been saving it, but when I opened it today, all but an inch-and-a-half was gone.

Now, I’ve certainly been guilty of giving people things I wanted. For years I gave books that I wanted to read to my friends, with a polite request to read it when I was done. Hey, I was poor.

But those were books. When you finish a book, you can hand it to a friend. Fancy candy, not so much. My wife, she’s a smart woman. Oh, and it’s really good candy.

New morning, new year

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This past year saw a lot of changes for me. Child of Fire (Amazon.com | Indiebound.org) came out, obviously, which is a goal I’ve been working toward for a long, long time.

But I also went through a round of major revisions on Game of Cages (Amazon.com | Indiebound.org) which was extremely challenging and made me question myself and my actual writing/career plans. I went to San Diego Comic Con and endured the press of a hundred thousand people. I did face-to-face interviews. I did a signing.

Basically, I came out of my shell (a little). I can’t say I liked it much, but I’m willing to do what I have to. Let’s call it a year of personal growth opportunities (translation: I was pushed into a lot of uncomfortable situations).

One thing I didn’t do, which I’d planned to do, was steal time from my schedule for exercise. I’m not any bigger than I was at the start of the year, but I’m holding steady at a point I don’t want to be in. More on that later.

One thing I learned that I didn’t expect was that I don’t read fast enough to be a writer. It’s not just that I take forever to do my research, I take forever to do my revisions, too. I only read 15 books a year.

It’s untenable and has to change. I’ve already started working on this, but I’ll have to put more effort into it this year.

And, since so many others are doing it: Ten years ago, I was working for Children’s Hospital in Seattle (temping, actually), while they stocked up on medical supplies in anticipation of Y2K. In the years since, I tried to move to Los Angeles to pursue screenwriting, ditched that idea. I tried my hand at low-budget filmmaking but found I wasn’t suited for it. I started writing novels and found success. My family came damn close to bankruptcy because of health care issues, but we came through it, stronger than ever.

And of course my son was born. I don’t talk about him too much here for his privacy’s sake, but he changed my whole life; I remember the time before he was born as though it had been lived by a different person.

New morning, new year. I’m going to start working on book 3 now.

God help me…

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I just created a Mii character called Ray Lillii. Once I look up the steps for connecting our Wii to the web, I’ll try to post a pic of him. And of my Mii.

Also, I joined SFWA. I thought I’d give it a try. If it works out, I’ll be glad. If not, I get to quit in a huff or whatever.

edited to add: That’s too glib, actually. I’m pleased to have joined SFWA; it’s something I’ve wanted to do for many, many years. Over the last few I’ve been doubtful, mainly because I’ve learned that I don’t join very well, but we’ll see.

A birthday tip from me to you

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You know what heat does to candle wax? Melts it.

You’re welcome.

Non-SFWAns might want to skip this

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Or maybe not.

I’m eligible to join SFWA, but I haven’t. I’ve been putting off the decision for two years (which is a decision all on its own, but never mind that) and it’s time to either do it or put it out of my mind and stop wasting think-time on it.

So… joining SFWA. I guess my big question would be what it would allow me to do. I’m pretty clear on what it would do for me, if I needed it. But what would I get to do? Keep in mind that I’m unlikely to volunteer to be a treasurer or something; I don’t currently have enough time to do everything right now, so I’m certainly not going to maintain databases or do mailings or whatever. Also, I don’t go to conventions.

I dunno. Maybe the fact that I have to ask the question is answer enough.

Ho-ho-ho

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Well, it’s Christmas Eve and I’ve already stuck my foot in my mouth. How wonderful to be me!

We’ve had some good news, though: The Senate passed their health care reform bill. I’d hoped passage would have stopped my co-worker from her incessant coughing, but maybe she’s waiting for reconciliation.

Meanwhile, I’m day jobbing. Today’s revisions are done (and I would have accomplished more if I hadn’t been tasting my own toes) and nothing needs to be purchased for the holiday tomorrow. Presents are wrapped, fridge is stocked, books are stacked near the fireplace. It’s going to be a quiet day, and I’m looking forward to it.