wasting time

Dorktosterone, Part 1

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Just a couple weeks ago, MTV broadcast the sixth and final episode of season one for BULLY BEATDOWN (watch full episodes at this link), a new reality TV show that had me gaping at my tube.

Here’s the quick description: Jason “Mayhem” Miller, an MMA fighter who hosts the show, meets with young men who say a bully is kicking them around. These aren’t high schoolers, they’re grownup adults in their early twenties. Mayhem and victims together confront the bully in a public place, where the host waves $10,000 under their nose, telling them it’ll all be theirs, if their willing to go two rounds with a professional fighter in their own weight class.

Of course, if they get their ass beat, the money goes to their victims. And the bullies agree.

I’ve only seen four episodes, and they’ve all followed a very set structure. Mayhem in car introducing show. “Audition” video of the victims asking Mayhem for help. Mayhem meets victims. Mayhem and victim make offer to bully. Bully shows up at the fight gym to show what skills he has. Fight day: Bully preps for the fight with the trainer, who prompts him to say something nasty about the victims, and the bullies stupidly oblige (“A lot of my victims deserve to be bullied”). Victim meets the pro for that fight. Then, they get in the ring and the bully takes a nasty beating in front of a booing crowd, and everyone revels in it.

Afterwards, the bully promises to change his ways.

And really, without that final scene, which is almost certainly total bullshit in whatever passes for the real story behind these guys’ lives, but without that scene this show doesn’t even make sense.

“Vince” is a guy who answered a Craig’s List ad for an apartment vacancy and then beat up his roommate instead of paying rent. “Eriq” made copies of his ex-girlfriend’s car keys, then wrecked it, and he beats up anybody she starts to date.

What these guys really need is jail time, because they’re not just assholes. They’re criminals. And sure, the show wraps up with the bully humbled, often apologizing, but I’d be really curious to see if it took.

Still, watching these guys get the puke beat out of them is a fine, fine thing.

“KIRK, a Captain, in the service of Starfleet”

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Wm. Shakespeare writes STAR TREK (“Amok Time”).

“a holocaust of prose”

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seen via Justine Larbalestier:

The Worst Review Ever, a blog where writers, actors, musicians, etc, can submit the worst review they’ve ever received. Personally, I think some of these are extraordinarily cruel (Hello, “a candy-coated turd”), but I’ve been known to hate on a book or two in my time.

I do disagree with Justine Larbalestier when she says its “awesome” that people react so intensely to her books. When I have a powerful negative response to a book, it’s not because of its engaging qualities, any more than Charles Manson should feel warm and snuggly inside because he’s evoked strong feelings from me.

Hey, authors, have anything you want to send?

The Blue Beanie

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For folks who like Samorost, Jay Is Games is offering a new free game: The Blue Beanie.

Created by a Malaysian artist studying multimedia in Australia, it’s a gorgeous point and click puzzle game about a ghostly woodland creature trying to retrieve, yes, a stolen Blue Beanie.

It’s beautiful to look at and the puzzle solutions are pretty logical. Also, if you’re stuck on what to do next, you can click on the ghost–he looks at the thing he wants you to work on next. There’s also a walkthrough at the top.

Wonderful. And kid-friendly.

I love this sort of thing

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Only an hour

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Ah, well. I only got an hour of free time for my writing today. No big. I’ll make up for it tomorrow.

But for you, dear Reader, I have a link: Morningstar.

What is that, you wonder? It’s a free online game of the point-and-click narrative variety. It’s also remarkably well done–the visuals are excellent, the voice acting (there’s a lot of voice acting) very strong (although you can mute the sound) and you can even save the game part way through.

The story is simple: You’re second-in-command on the space ship Morningstar, and the opening of the game is a fantastic little cut scene of you and your ship crash landing on the surface of an alien world. The captain is injured and unable to move (but full of advice) and your engineer is dead. Can you salvage enough of your ship to make lift off? Why did you crash in the first place, and what happened to the other ship lying wrecked across the sand. Finally, how can you prevent it happening again when you try to leave?

It’s a surprisingly long game, with a lot of detail, and the story takes you much further down the rabbit hole than you expect. And of course, it’s all about the puzzles. How do you get this control panel to work? Where are all the pieces of the hull-repairing glue dispenser? What are you going to do about the ruined CO2 filter?

You click on items to pick them up, combine them, and use them with objects in the environment. Best of all, the objects are used in ways that are thoroughly sensible–not always a given in this sort of game. The captain gives you hints about the next step in the mission, but there’s a walkthrough, too, just in case. And the visuals are excellent. Hell, even if you just watch the pre-title animation sequence, you’ll be impressed.

It’s great fun. One of the best c&p games I’ve played in a long, long time. Enjoy.

Quote of the day:

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“For all his veniality and selfishness, Cat was a cool, smart dresser, unlike most _Red Dwarf_ fans,who smelt of piss.”
— Patrick West

“Road Cones Protect My Head”

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Speaking of tower defense games, here’s trailer for a new game, Plants Vs. Zombies:

Or you can check out the more traditional trailer here. And if that’s not odd or cute enough for you, this has to be the cutest zombie moment ever

You’re welcome.

Today (5 things make a Monday)

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  1. For dinner tonight, I made roast chicken (note: I hate my oven) and a from-scratch baguette that had tapenade rolled in it. Olive bread? Big hit with the fam. I’ll be doing that again.
  2. Just watched the latest CASTLE.  Yeah, it’s a good show.  And I would like 26 bestsellers, too, please.
  3. Just when I thought the swine flu thing was winding down, I find out it’s actually getting much worse.
  4. And I realize I’m a little late (hah!), but there are a couple of free comics online you can check out.  One.  Two.  That second one was written by Chris Sims, of Invincible Super Blog fame–it’s pretty ridiculous funny.  What’s that you say?  The internet is full of free comics?  Never mind.
  5. If you Google funny robot, no quotes, you get this animation, which at least has a robot in it, although I’m not sure where the funny comes in.  Look for more Google top hits in this blog in the future, since actual, thoughtful content turns out to be pretty hard to come up with.

I’ve been wanting to write a couple of more substantive posts…

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But that’s going to have to wait until I have some quite time. With Salad Eater attending a conference this weekend and working today, I’ve had a couple of Midays in a row.

Meanwhile, I will shock and surprise you all by posting a link.

Darths and Droids, a fumetti (as in: a webcomic made from photographs) that justifies the utterly random plot of THE PHANTOM MENACE in the only way imaginable–it was a fictionalization of an rpg campaign.

All the photos are stills from the movie, and I swear it is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Just as funny as DM of the Rings, which is a couple of years old (in case you haven’t seen it). The dialog for the comic is the dialog between the game master and the players.

And, God, does it bring back memories. Seen via AntickMusings.