The David Lynch movie of cheeses

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Last night (date night!) I ate the David Lynch movie of cheeses. It didn’t taste good, not at all, but there were so many flavors going on and they were so complex that I was fascinated. I mean, yeah, chief among those flavors was Old Feet and French Armpit, but there were others, too, and I kept picking up new one. I can’t say I enjoyed it, but it was compelling enough that I ate my full share.

Don’t ask what it was, though. There were no labels, and even if there were (and they came in the shape of the cheese’s country of origin, with little pictures of the dairy animal the milk came from and phonetic spellings of the name) I still wouldn’t remember the name.

The rest of date night was terrific–my wife and I wandered around our neighborhood shops–sampling wine at one place (and buying a nice bottle of port), sampling desserts at another, browsing the little local bookstore. Fun.

And even before that, I had a full day of work on the Project I Can Not Yet Discuss. (Everyone has a Sekrit Project–I want something of my own) Today will be more of the same. Lots of revisions to handle and I’m already getting a late start.

Mac Freedom… Engage!

Randomness for 1/26

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1) Which TV jobs go to which character?

2) The Comics Code Authority is dead.

3) I feel safer knowing this woman is in prison. Great work, authoritarian assholes!

4) The United States of Shame. Although I have no idea why Iowa, Ohio, or Utah should be ashamed of those things. (Go WA state!)

5) Dine like a Basil Fawlty customer (for some reason).

6) “If there’s a camel up a hill then it’s Gong Li with me…” Video. I laughed so hard at this that I actually cried, I kid you not.

7) A more serious video on redesigning medical information. Hell yes.

Email notifications ON!

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My son just sent me an email (meaning he wrote the message in my msn account and sent it to the msn account, which I picked up in webmail at the Starbucks) letting me know a fat package from Random House just arrived.

Hello, copy edit for Circle of Enemies. I will be home shortly to scribble on you.

Progress in all things, right? I’ll finish the first draft of the short story I’m struggling with first, then it’s time for home-made meatballs delivered in yummy sandwich form and every grammar insecurity I’ve ever had laid bare on the page by the copy editor’s sharpened pencil.

In unrelated news, the guy sitting across from me keeps picking his nose, scraping at gaps in his teeth and digging his ear. Blech.

Randomness for 1/02

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1) Five skiffy death sports you can host in your own home. Reader, I lol-ed.

2) “America sends its best hunks to save the Earth.”

3) Dwayne’s Photo, a little family-owned shop in Parsons, Kansas, is closing down. They were the last processor in the world who could handle Kodachrome film, which Kodak stopped manufacturing in 2009, and now their equipment is going to be sold for scrap.

4) When are we happy? When are we not happy? Video. This one is long, but very, very interesting.

5) How It’s Made: PASS-ta. Video.

6) Robots Speak Out Against Asimov’s First Law Of Robotics.

7) The Most Epic Use of Google Docs Ever (aka Google-doc-based animation). Video.

Randomness for 12/18

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1) Oh no, it’s the Daleks!

2) The Gawker Media security breach gives us a chance to see the 13 most common passwords.

3) Ten building converted to bookstores. Very cool photos. via @victoriastrauss

4) Wikileaks cables turned into comics.

5) Eleven weird D&D questions from The Dragon’s “Sage Advice” column.

6) Why you should never fry gnocci. Video.

7) Yogi Bear is like District 9 but way more depressing. A really interesting review of a really uninteresting movie.

Randomness for 11/5

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1) Tired of arguing about science on Twitter? Let a computer program do it for you. via Jay Lake

2) “It was just a wasp, Dad.

3) Popping corn in super slow-motion. Video.

4) Least popular monsters.

5) The many types of author panels.

6) This is one awesome mom.

7) Wasteland the movie trailer. Video, but it doesn’t auto-start. This is a documentary I’ll be watching when I get a chance.

Randomness for 10/15

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1) A terrific book trailer for Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned. Video

2) Where good ideas come from. Video.

3) ‘Damn. Are we that different from people?’ I can’t think of any way to summarize this profile of Insane Clown Posse except to say that it’s really, really interesting. They’re evangelical Christians? (Added later: the SNL parody. Video. My reaction to that spoof: SNL is still on the air?)

4) Buy artificial hands to touch your baby. Hey, it’s not as creepy as this teddy bear made from a placenta! Hello, horror movie that is the real world.

5) Animator vs. Animation III. Video.

6) McDonald’s burgers can TOO grow mold on them, says McDonals.

7) Sir Ken Robinson talks modern education. Video. This is another RSA Animate video, and I love it. (Let’s ignore the Ritalin error)

Randomness for 10/8

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1) Chicken McNuggets are made of this pink goop. Oh, lame-ass standup comics of yesteryear, the truth is so much worse than you imagined! By god, industrial food is repulsive.

2) “If you do this in an email, I hate you.”

3) Ten greatest all-nude fight scenes in comics. So… yeah, it’s funny and dopey and juvenile, but it’s funny. Also, the comments are hilarious.

4) I was pretty stupid when I was younger, but never this stupid. Video.

5) SF Signal has done a “mind meld” about the idea of a Star Wars reboot, and most of the writers say “No,” “NO!” and “Don’t bother.” Of course, I planned out a Star Wars: A New Hope reboot last year.

6) “First with my son, and now with my new love, I was learning that conspiracy
and dominance are not the only ways to be close to someone.”
This essay/memoir/confessional is a few years old (ancient in internet time) but still powerful as hell. Carver is a terrific writer.

7) Sucking air through clenched teeth alert: Woman mistakenly uses super glue instead of eye drops. Note to self: move all butcher knives out of the prop knife drawer.

“I’m not an author. I’m a writer.”

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Heh. I finished up the latest section of A Key, An Egg… yesterday morning. It was a really difficult section, too, in which a home invasion completely destroys the protagonist’s house, and dangerously ups the stakes.

Now I get to start the whole book over from page one. After a healthy dose of outlining, of course. Fun!

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Ta-Nahisi Coates said that obesity is the third rail of the blogosphere, and damn if he isn’t right. He links to a rather tame and unimpressive post about the BMI which had to have comments closed because people went nuts.

Because… yeah. As a culture we’re raising awareness about sexual pleasure and, even if we aren’t 100% sane (or ever likely to be) we’re tossing the issues of privacy, preference, et al back and forth.

Not so with the pleasure that comes from eating. People are still weird about their food. Anyone who talks about vegetarianism knows that. People have strange compulsions regarding their food, and they hate to let other people examine them closely.

Coates also says, in the comments, that his legs hurt constantly when he was 295. Damn. I weigh about that and have the same problem…

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Last, I want to take note of this essay by Richard Kadrey about his new Sandman Slim novel.

Let me start by saying these books sound very good. They sound like they would fall right into my reading sweet spot: Fantasy elements in a book inspired by the best crime and detective fiction of the previous century. Wait a minute! Is this my book? ::checks Amazon.com sales ranking:: Nope! His numbers are too good.

My point is, that if I weren’t trying to write something utterly different from my usual stuff, I’d be all over this guy’s books like ugly on an ape. Then I read this:

It all comes down to this: I’m not an artist. I know artists. I have friends who are artists and I’m not one of them. Mickey Spillane said it best, “I’m not an author. I’m a writer. That’s all I am.” Occasionally I wonder if I even write novels. I write long shaggy dog stories. Messy, kind of odd and noisy. I love the graceful sloppiness of early punk and the garage rock you find on Lenny Kaye’s Nuggets record series. I feel like my books and stories are similar to the way Iggy Pop describes The Stooges music, “It’s dumb. But it’s smart dumb.” My books are basically Raw Power with commas.

Hmph! I’m guessing Iggy Pop isn’t a musician, then, because he doesn’t play music.

I’ve gotta spray this grafitti again: If you’re writing fiction, you are an artist. I don’t want to get into a debate about where to draw the line through art/not art. Fiction isn’t an edge case. Fiction is art.

Now, it may be bad art. It may be utterly conventional art. It may be an ass-kissing hand-jobbing desperate-to-please whore in a Mary Sue mask, but it’s still art.

Art isn’t a term of praise. It’s not a label we reserve for those things that “terrify” us but never “seduce” us. It’s not a superlative. If you make something that exists mainly for the purpose of evoking an emotional reponse from people–in other words, if you’ve written a story, you’ve made art.[1]

[1] What say you, Wikipedia? “Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way to affect the senses or emotions. It encompasses a diverse range of human activities, creations, and modes of expression, including music, literature, film, sculpture, and paintings.”

That makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I know; I used to be one of them. Also, I used to get as obnoxious about it as: “Yes, I wonder about the nature of our existence, but I don’t get all Tolstoy about it.”

So I understand the urge to try to avoid being an artist. Who wants to be compared to Tolstoy? Who wants their readers to think the books we write are good for them? Does McDonald’s go around telling customers that their burgers are high in fiber?

Hell no. McDonald’s wants to sell their burgers; they only talk about the taste and talk about nutrition as a side issue. Eat this tasty burger! Read this exciting thriller! Don’t worry, I’m not like those high-minded guys your school teachers forced on you. I’m fun!

It doesn’t work, and it damages the art you make.

Call it low art if you want. Or pop art. Hell, call it “art-tertainment.” I don’t care. But don’t try to tell me it’s not art.

And buy that dude’s book, because it sounds awesome.

Jeez, I’m really ranty these last two weeks, eh?

Let me make up for that with this: you can win a free copy of GAME OF CAGES (plus other awesome books) by entering this Suvudu contest.

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Anyway, I won’t be around to respond to comments for a while. I’m in training today and tomorrow. Pity me!

“On this planet, we are surrounded by danger and MADNESS!”

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Well, the poll for chapter one of A Glimpse of Darkness has closed, and my favorite choice didn’t win. If this were politics, I’d be looking over Canadian and Australian immigration websites, but there’s no escape for me. I have a chapter to write.

Actually, I’ve already started it. It’ll be pretty damn good, but you know, we always think about the path not taken.

I must say, though, that I got a late start. I woke early this morning and, instead of rushing out to write, hung around the kitchen baking Biscotti di Regina for my wife (no link b/c the recipe I used isn’t online). After her vacation in Italy, this should be a last treat to ease her back into her everyday life. Too bad she woke up before I was finished and accidentally spoiled the surprise.

Now… Back to work!