The Steampunk(ed) Nerf gun

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For some reason known only to the elves that live inside his brain, my son recently decided that he wanted to paint one of his Nerf guns to be “Steampunk”. Where that came from, I don’t know. He’s never read a steampunk novel as far as I can tell, and… Well, let’s just leave that at “mysterious.”

And being our son, we said “Annoying project? Sure!”

We forgot to take a picture of the Nerf Maverick in its unmodified form, but here it is, courtesy of the cool website Think Geek–behind the cut: Continue reading

A quick note about Twenty Palaces books

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For a while I’ve been working on a project I haven’t wanted to be specific about, but what the hell. The deal is, I’ve been revising the Twenty Palaces prequel (cleverly titled Twenty Palaces) in the hopes of…

Actually, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it. When I review what’s coming up this summer, I don’t really see a window when I could release it independently (unless I was intent on messing up Del Rey’s plans for the summer–more on that later). Maybe this fall?

Anyway, I’ve been working like crazy on the book, cleaning it up and fixing the story. The scene where Ray creates the ghost knife! His first meeting with Annalise! What exactly he did that made her hate him sooooo much!

It’s been fun, and it’s been instructional to see how screwed up this book really is. Sorry, everyone I ever queried about this! At some point, I’ll have to write a new story of how I got an agent and landed my contract, because now that I’ve seen the book that didn’t sell, I know I’ve been telling the story all wrong.

Randomness for 4/10

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1) Slow motion photography. Exploding cakes. Techno. I promise you that you will love this: Video. And it even comes with little stories! via @ChuckWendig

2) “I like big butts and I cannot lie, but is there some evolutionary reason as to why?” Sir Mix-A-Lot mashed with the modern just-so stories of sexual selection pressures. The comments are stone hilarious.

3) The sounds of Minecraft, as music. Video.

4) New Zealand brewer markets a “breakfast beer.” I’m not opposed to the idea of a (small) beer at breakfast, but this sounds god-awful.

5) “How I got a blank book onto the Amazon.com bestseller list.” via @victoriastrauss

6) Some posts on the resurgence of “epic” fantasy: One. Two.

7) Alternate Star Wars. What if George Lucas had been inspired by a Kurosawa film other than HIDDEN FORTRESS?

So long, Asimov’s forum

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You won’t be missed.

Today

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Today, while I worked, my wife and son rode their bikes more than fifty miles. They’re about to collapse into sleep, while I’m feeling restless. I want to work more on my book, but I know I should go to sleep.

Just thinking about it gives me a weird feeling I can’t quite articulate.

Five Things Make a Friday Post

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1) Quick question: Should I do another August book giveaway to promote Circle of Enemies? I’m not sure it did me any good last time, as far as drawing in new readers, but it was nice to give away cool stuff.

2) My wife and son are spending the day on their bikes, riding the Burke-Gilman trail as far as they can go. That means that, instead of spending the day writing at a Starbucks and the library, I’m going to work at home, sans interruptions. Kitchen floor: swept.

3) What have I been working on? I should be able to let you know very soon.

4) Taxes are nearly done. At this point it’s about printing them, e-filing and transferring the money to the correct account. Also, I was a complete idiot about them this year. Here’s why: I’d been stressing over the bill. Now, we had the money in savings, but I was stressing over it because it would cut quite deeply into our cushion. It was only last night, late, that I remembered that I had a CD with no early-withdrawal penalties set aside specifically for taxes–and it has triple what I need to cover the bill. Phew!

5) I’m not gluten-free anymore. I did lose a little weight, but it was mainly because we didn’t have food available when I was hungry. Me with low blood sugar? Not a good husband. Not a good parent. Besides, it’s unsustainable and unhealthy. Also, it didn’t stop the allergic reactions on my face. (This is an FYI: no diet advice, please.)

Conversations I have over and over

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Medical professional of any sort, while taking a history of my son: Do you take part in any after school activities?

Son: Actually, I’m homeschooled.

MPOASWTAHOMS: Oh? And do you have a circle of friends to play with?

Me: Yes. Yes, he does.

—-

Supermarket check out clerk: Paper or plastic?

Me: Actually, I have my own bags, and because I have to take them home in a wagon, I’ll need to pack them myself.

SCOC: Oh. Okay.

Me: It’s the only way they’ll all fit.

SCOC starts sending eggs, pears, and bread down the conveyor belt.

Me: Um, would you please take out the stuff at the front of the cart first? I put the heavy stuff there.

—-

Repairman: Your landlord told you I’d have to turn your water off for most of the day, didn’t he?

Me: …

I continue to be hypothetical

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You do a rather mundane favor for a stranger (helping him find the library, paying for the coffee he ordered but couldn’t afford, something like that) and he is grateful to you beyond all expectations. Such kindness must be rewarded!

The stranger explains to you that he is a visitor from another realm, a land of great magic, where he is a powerful wizard. Favors carry great weight in the land where he comes from, and so he must present you with a gift.

He gives you a gun loaded with a single bullet. This gun, which can be fired only once, will hit anything or anyone anywhere in the present or past. You can shoot Hitler lying in his crib, or you can shoot Kitty Genovese’s attacker just as he lunges at her. You can shoot Constantine while he dreams about the cross, or you can shoot the abusive creep your sister married.

You could, if you wanted, shoot a hole in one of the Apollo landing modules, or into the engine of the Enola Gay. Maybe you could even shoot out the lock holding shut the doors of the Triangle Shirtwaist Company.

You mention, politely, that there is a long storytelling tradition in our world in which magical gifts such as this one always operate in such a way to harm the person using it in an unexpected way. The sorcerer laughs at this in a startled way, as though you’ve said something scandalous, then assures you that such a person would be an infamous criminal back home, and then assures you that there is nothing sneaky or underhanded about this gift. It will perform as described.

Do you fire the gun, and what do you shoot?

Annalise online

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So, I was making a Minecraft skin for Annalise, and I turned to Google Images to take a quick look at a fireman’s jacket. Clicking that link will take you there.

What did I see on the 12th line, third from the left? Marissa Merrill in costume as Annalise herself! It’s from this page on the Black Gate blog, where Marissa is turning and giving someone a very un-Annalise-like smile.

I dunno. I think it’s cool.

Randomness for 4/5

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1) So you want to get published? A flowchart. Is it just me, or are flowcharts made of awesome?

2) “Don’t you have any vegetarian meat?”

3) A big discussion on selling stolen IP in the Kindle format.

4) Advice for writers who suffer the pangs of jealousy.

5) Nerf guns painted and modified to have that steampunk look.

6) How slavery really ended in the U.S.A.

7) Black Gate is having a sale on their back issues. I have stories in issue #2, #3, and #10.