Helpless in the face of luxury

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(I’m posting this to share my experience, not to solicit advice. If others want to share their experiences, too, I’d love it, but no advice, please.)

“It’s called willpower,” Colson Whitehead says in this PW article about… well, about many things, only one of which is the need some writers have of hiding themselves away in a hostage pit because they can’t handle distraction.

I’m one of those writers, and I freely admit that it embarrasses me. When the writing gets really difficult, I find it very difficult to focus on the problems and opportunities there, and all too easy to check my emails, or Twitter, or my LiveJournal friends list.

It used to be that I could hide at Starbucks. They charged for wi-fi and I’m too cheap to pay for my procrastination… then they backed down and offered it for free. Soon I was checking my emails, just in case something important came in, and are there new posts on LJ? Oh, what crazy shit has so-and-so said about books this time? An article on health care reform! It’s my duty as a citizen to stay up-to-date on politics, and besides I can read it while this funny video loads.

And don’t forget that I need things to blog about other than the usual I’m-tired-my-butt-itches crap. Links for the Randomness posts! Op-eds to disagree with! Movies to pick apart!

Except that I didn’t really need any of that. What I needed was time and quiet space to work. I don’t need a physically quiet space, but I do need one where my jump-around brain won’t latch onto something interesting and easy, like my Twitter timeline or the book I’m reading.

There was a Radiolab from a while back that talked about the bargains creative people have to make. It’s worth listening to, maybe while you’re doing dishes or something. For me, it’s helped me work out a new plan to increase my productivity: just like all those people who put A WOMAN UNDER THE INFLUENCE in their Netflix queue as something they’ll watch someday way out in the future while continually picking THE HANGOVER or DRIVE ANGRY for what they want to watch right now, it’s easy for me to plan virtue way in advance, but nearly impossible to grasp it in the moment. If I could be trusted to back up my own material manually, I’d crack the case of my laptop and pith my wi-fi connection. Since I can’t, I use Dropbox.

So I turn my laptop on the night before and set Mac Freedom for six hours. Maybe eight, but usually six.

That’s long enough for me to do my pages, then revise one of my old short stories for a self-pub collection I’m considering, and that’s it. I can reboot if I want to check my email at the library or whatever, or I can come straight home and wait for the timer to run out, at which point the household wi-fi handles all the backing up.

But that’s the best work around I can come up with at the moment. My brain has a hard time staying on task, and talking about willpower misses the point. If I’m hungry, tired, cold, or depressed, I can write. Adversity I can handle. What I have a hard time with, apparently, is fun, luxury, pleasure, and comfort. Those are the things that will ruin me.

Update: An article on the limits of willpower.

Hand-wringing over kids nowadays

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Last night, Twitter blew up (check the hashtag “#yasaves”) over this WSJ article about modern YA literature. Apparently, it’s not full of happy fun kids scampering through meadows or whatever.

There’s a lot to be annoyed about in the article (which is why it has a rel=”nofollow”) including a list of books the writer thinks would be appropriate for kids–which naturally is split into a boy’s list and a girl’s list.

Whatever. There are quite a few writers, readers, and publishing people taking the article apart and pointing out the power of downbeat, even grim, stories. They’re more knowledgeable and more articulate on the subject that I could be. I just want to address one thing:

The article writer manages to nod her head toward the fact that books about, say, cutting would be helpful for kids who cut themselves. She thinks they’d show kids how to heal themselves and move on. Instructional manuals, basically, although she’d never say it so baldly. Still, her talk of kids who don’t cut themselves, but who might start to think of it as a legitimate option after reading about it (“normalizing” as it were) makes it clear this is where her argument is going.

This isn’t just ridiculous, it shows that the WSJ children’s book columnist doesn’t understand how books work. Are books about surviving rape only for rape victims? Are addiction memoirs only for addicts?

No one would suggest this for adults, of course. No one would airdrop boxed sets of Lord of the Rings to Libyan rebels. But with teenagers, there’s this idea that someone else’s kids might be screwed up enough to need screwed-up books, but our kids are perfectly fine, thanks, and don’t need to be exposed to helplessness or pain.

Not only is that wrong, it’s as wrong as wrong gets. Everyone, young and old, needs to experience a wide variety of emotions in the safe space that books provide. It’s not about normalizing, or processing your own shit; it’s about being human and understanding other humans. It’s about seeing your own dark impulses–which even your angelic little honor club teen feels–played out through fictional characters.

Personally, I hate the idea that fiction is supposed to be part of some self-improvement project. I don’t hate it because I think fiction is (or should be) fun fluffy nothings that you enjoy and toss aside; I honestly believe that reading fiction enriches us. I couldn’t write it if I didn’t.

I hate the “What do we learn from this novel?” garbage because it’s always trotted out to confirm someone’s pre-existing prejudice. It’s a tool of disapproval, and it’s used against fantasy, romance, downbeat stories, upbeat stories–everything, frankly. Sure, one person might understand perfectly well that his Kindle full of crime thrillers won’t “normalize” bank robbery, but those women and their romance novels have such unrealistic alpha male expectations, amirite? (Because this is the internet, let me say that last sentence was sarcasm. Thanks for playing along.)

And it’s so short-sighted! What if that novel about murder, war, battle, and revolution is not a rehearsal for violence, but a rehearsal for bravery? What if that addiction memoir isn’t spurring kids to give that heroin thing a try, but is simply giving them a safe space for compassion? Why not trust that your own kids, the ones you raised to know right from wrong, to draw something valuable from the books they love?

They won’t do it, but the Wall Street Journal should fire and replace that columnist. Maybe they can even find one who understands what censorship is.

Eating 3.64 cookies

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Friday on Twitter, I joked that once Child of Fire received 300 ratings on Goodreads, I would eat 3.64 out of 5 cookies in celebration. Well what do you know. It happened! Last night I bought some Pepperidge Farm Nantuckets (no limericks, please) because I knew I wouldn’t have time for the preferred option, which was baking fresh.

And I took pictures:
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In which I work

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I’ve been a little unproductive lately. I’m not sure exactly why, but the pages have been difficult. Revisions have been difficult. Polishing has been difficult.

Yesterday I deliberately got a late start, set Freedom for 3 hours, and focused. It was good.

This morning I made sure to be up by 5 am. I set Freedom for the max: 8 hours. I hit the Starbucks and the library and tore into the notes (and polish) for Twenty Palaces.

And I finished more than half the book.

I dunno, you guys. Do you think the internet might by harming my productivity?

Suvudu Writing Contest

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The winner of the Suvudu Writing Contest (who will receive an edit from my editor, Betsy Mitchell) comes from my county. Check it out. The book he wrote sounds pretty cool.

Hello, startling numbers of new visitors

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My Rapture prank post is bringing in a bunch of new people, so I’m going to take a moment to point out that I’m a novelist with two books out (so far). You can find out more about them under the “All About Me” section in the upper right part of this page, or you can go directly to the first chapter of my first book.

Make yourself at home and do come back again.

This is worth reading

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Running the Barkley.

It’s the sort of extreme running event that extreme running events think goes too far, an event where people literally lose their minds while running it. They start hallucinating, get amnesia, totally lose themselves. It’s a race that’s almost designed not to be finished.

It reminds me of a profile I read some time ago about a distance runner and his training methods. He’s from Eastern Europe somewhere, and he does the same thing: runs until the pain is too much and the exhaustion made him hallucinate and go mad. The quote that stuck with me (which I’ll have to paraphrase) is from his trainer, who believed that when the runner was telling them the pain was too much, when he hallucinated, thought he’d gone blind, couldn’t remember where he was or why he was running, that was the point at which the trainer thought he’d given about 50%.

There’s a temptation to turn all this into a lesson for my own life. Maybe you feel that temptation, too. I mean, what’s the analog in my life for a long project that makes me crazy? Not writing a novel. I may complain about it (because I’m a crybaby, but you knew that) but it never drives me to the point of hallucinating. Maybe if I wrote something as long and complex as George RR Martin’s series, I’d have something comparable. I mean, seriously, writing a novel is not that hard.

Of course, there’s also parenting, but the rewards of that are self-evident, no matter how grueling it can become.

But it’s interesting to me, to see what people can achieve. It’s strange to think of something as the upper limit of human endurance, only to discover other people blow past them regularly.

Mozy along there, Mozy

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So, Mozy is raising their rates and I need to find a new online backup service. I already use Dropbox for my writing, but I need something affordable for nearly 200 GB of family pix, videos, etc.

What do you guys use?

Update: Sale! I’m going with Backblaze, as long as it doesn’t seriously screw up.

www.getoutoftherebat(man).com

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You guys, I hate http://getoutoftherecat.tumblr.com/ SO MUCH it makes my skin crawl. The twee, it burns!

That’s why we need a GetOutOfThereBatman site.

Here are my first entries (and yeah, the horrible burned-out flash photography is an essential part of the style)

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get out of there batman. you are not breakfast. you are not even made of eggs. no one wants to eat you except maybe killer croc and he does not live here. why do you want to cook yourself?


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get out of there batman. you are not a book. i can not even read your expression because you wear a mask. books are for learning things but you are full of secrets such as your identity and the location of your bat cave. books are also for fun while you spend most of your time scowling and punching people. do you want to reveal your secrets or be fun? i don’t think so you are batman


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get out of that bed batman. you should not be sleeping you are the dark avenger of the night. you should be outside frightening criminals and kicking them in the face. who will throw batarangs at the joker while you are taking a nap?


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get out of there batman. you are not toast. no matter what the bad guys do to you you will never be toast because you are a corporate property worth billions of dollars. you are so popular that in the end you will always be okay you are batman.

Repeat after me: Don’t make your points by telling people to “repeat after me.”

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I’m sure Deborah J. Ross is a good person who’s kind to children and small animals, but she’s completely wrong-headed here. First of all, don’t make your points by telling me to repeat them, as though I’m a child. Because, really.

Second, it’s terribly easy and terribly unconvincing to try to disprove an assertion by trotting out The Bad Version. You know what I mean. Someone makes an assertion (playing tabletop RPGs can be helpful for writers!) and the counter-argument is always Something Awful That Might Come Of It: you learn to railroad a story like a railroading GM, you write a bunch of fights and encounters with no emotional content, you let the characters carry around Too Much Magic (srsly, check the comments), you get the pacing wrong.

But this is like saying opera isn’t beneficial to prose fiction writing because you might make all your characters sing their dialog. Yeah, gamers sometimes write bad stories that are too much like games. Guess what movie- and TV-watchers sometimes do?

Of course there are aspects of games that don’t translate to fiction. Do I want to buy a novel that recounts someone’s D&D adventure? Probably not.

But there are things to learn, too. I’m not going to make an exhaustive list: I’m only going to mention one: PCs are annoying. No matter what a GM thinks will be the proper course for the characters, the players will come up with something else, something fiendish and clever that slants things to their side.

That’s what they do: they scramble and plan for every edge they can get. Bad guys holed up in a house, waiting for you to break down the door? Hey, is that a wooden house? Well, let’s get some gasoline from the car, put it in this old beer bottle–who has a lighter? We’ll shoot them as they come out.

Long corridor with doors on either side? Treasure we want probably down the hall? Let’s not fight our way through. Just jam those doors shut and we’ll bypass the enemies there. Anyone have spell for that?

A new super-hero in town with water-based powers? And the new D.A. is named Sam Lake? We break into his house and search the place until we find his costume.

Players will teach you to be sneaky, to cheat, to take unfair advantage (but always within the games rules). They’ll teach you to look carefully at the plot, and to make it better.

So says I.