This is worth reading

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Running the Barkley.

It’s the sort of extreme running event that extreme running events think goes too far, an event where people literally lose their minds while running it. They start hallucinating, get amnesia, totally lose themselves. It’s a race that’s almost designed not to be finished.

It reminds me of a profile I read some time ago about a distance runner and his training methods. He’s from Eastern Europe somewhere, and he does the same thing: runs until the pain is too much and the exhaustion made him hallucinate and go mad. The quote that stuck with me (which I’ll have to paraphrase) is from his trainer, who believed that when the runner was telling them the pain was too much, when he hallucinated, thought he’d gone blind, couldn’t remember where he was or why he was running, that was the point at which the trainer thought he’d given about 50%.

There’s a temptation to turn all this into a lesson for my own life. Maybe you feel that temptation, too. I mean, what’s the analog in my life for a long project that makes me crazy? Not writing a novel. I may complain about it (because I’m a crybaby, but you knew that) but it never drives me to the point of hallucinating. Maybe if I wrote something as long and complex as George RR Martin’s series, I’d have something comparable. I mean, seriously, writing a novel is not that hard.

Of course, there’s also parenting, but the rewards of that are self-evident, no matter how grueling it can become.

But it’s interesting to me, to see what people can achieve. It’s strange to think of something as the upper limit of human endurance, only to discover other people blow past them regularly.

Randomness for 5/6

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1) The world’s first zombie-proof house.

2) It’s the newest fad! White guys across the globe are going to be sporting this baby soon. Real soon.

3) Amazing WWII monuments in Yugoslavia.

4) “Who is Osama bin Laden? Is he famous?”

5) If Superman was an alien in other movies.

6) “Imagine a man who buys a chicken from the grocery store, manages to bring himself to orgasm by penetrating it, then cooks and eats the chicken.” The ten oddest sentences from conservative editorialist David Brooks’s new book.

7) Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day: Which offerings are good and which are not? And if you drop by a comic shop, be sure to buy something, too.

Let the rage begin

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Here’s a news article that encapsulates so much of what is wrong with my country. Parents discover that high school English teacher writes racy novels.

Let’s start with the way it was written. The byline is “Staff” so I can only assume no one had a keyboard to type out individual sentences, since this reads like they tried to cut and paste the article from outraged emails. Maybe they could only use their mouse with the right click?

Let’s continue with the article itself: Why do these parents care what their teacher is doing in her free time? Times are tough and people need to make ends meet. If the woman has a second job, let her work.

Second, who cares if she’s teaching high school during the day? Is she reading erotica to her students in class? Is she pointing out the best pron sites on Tumblr (as opposed to letting the kids find that themselves)? No? Then STFU. If it bothers you that your kids know their teacher writes erotica, don’t tell your kids. It’s called having common sense.

What’s more, I remember being a teenager. I didn’t need any encouragement to think about sex in the classroom. I was a teenager! Thinking about sex was pretty much the only thing I was competent at.

What’s more, who cares if teens think about sex? Really, do you think you can control them that much? Quick note to those parents: When your teen rides in a car looking out the window, they’re thinking about sex. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s healthy. It’s what they’re supposed to do.

But of course I expect this poor woman to lose her job, since kicking around teachers is the new national sport.

Now I have to go back to this thing I’m supposed to be revising.

Man With High-Paying, Prestigious Job Expresses Interest In Extending Current Employment

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This is the sort of story that annoys me, I have to admit. For those who don’t want to click, it basically says that Taylor Lautner would be interested in continuing his role in the TWILIGHT movies, if the author decided to write a spin off series.

And how is this news? The guy’s an actor. Actors want jobs. I imagine Lautner has a whole SHARKMAN AND LAVAWOMAN pitch carefully folded in his pocket, just in case he runs into Robert Rodriquez at a party or something.

You know what would be news? An actor who said they hated a role and never wanted to do it again. Even better: An actor that loved a role so much that they were raising funding to pay the novelist to write a sequel. Wake me up when that happens.

In more personal news, over on my LiveJournal account, user Ms_King asked me about outlining, and I answered, describing my odd way of pseudo-planning the books I write. So naturally, what should happen? Later that morning I realized I had rushed into the draft of A Key, An Egg, An Unfortunate Remark, before I was ready because I had some half-baked character interactions and not nearly as much of the book worked out as I needed. In fact, I was almost at the end of my synopsis at only 34K workds.

No worries, though. I have plot elements and under-utilized characters, so I’ll just have to work out how they all come together, and I’ll be ready to draft again. Today is a long(ish) writing morning, so I’ll be on that for the next few hours.

Also, Twitter, where I’m @byharryconnolly.

Randomness for 4/21

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1) “Speed-climbing” the Eiger. This dude is nuts but the footage is gorgeous. Video.

2) “You will ripen with my child, faerie girl.” I don’t like to take digs at romance novels because so many people do it out of ignorance and misogyny, and I think the genre is unfairly maligned. Still, these excerpts from bad romance novels are pretty damn funny.

3) Curious to see what a professional comic book script looks like? Greg Rucka helps you out.

4) DIY Bacon Roses. via Jay Lake.

5) Ten Important Tax Charts.

6) Ten Deadly DIY Gadgets. The “flame gloves” pretty much qualify you as a Batman villain, and the crossbow that shoots machetes would be perfect for a zombie apocalypse, but it’s the car you can drive with an iPhone that really scares the hell out of me. via Jay Lake

7) An interactive map showing how much oil each country produced over the last fifty years. Just click “play.”

Randomness for 4/15

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1) Breaking it down.

2) The Pierley/Redford Disassociative Affect Diagnostic. About as accurate as any internet personality test, but this one’s actually cool to take (and only 20 “questions”).

3) The Amazing Media Habits Of 8-18 Year Olds

4) Seven basic things this Cracked.com writer thinks you’re doing all wrong, for certain values of “you.” The only one my household didn’t know about was the brushing after meals thing.

5) Borders execs try to justify bonuses on the revenue their company will bring in someday after they get this little bankruptcy thing straightened out. God forbid their bonuses should reflect what they’ve already done, rather than what they expect to do.

6) Book reviewers, let me point out a thing that is not cool.

7) This is simply wonderful. Play with it when you can listen to sound on your computer.

So long, Asimov’s forum

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You won’t be missed.

Conversations I have over and over

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Medical professional of any sort, while taking a history of my son: Do you take part in any after school activities?

Son: Actually, I’m homeschooled.

MPOASWTAHOMS: Oh? And do you have a circle of friends to play with?

Me: Yes. Yes, he does.

—-

Supermarket check out clerk: Paper or plastic?

Me: Actually, I have my own bags, and because I have to take them home in a wagon, I’ll need to pack them myself.

SCOC: Oh. Okay.

Me: It’s the only way they’ll all fit.

SCOC starts sending eggs, pears, and bread down the conveyor belt.

Me: Um, would you please take out the stuff at the front of the cart first? I put the heavy stuff there.

—-

Repairman: Your landlord told you I’d have to turn your water off for most of the day, didn’t he?

Me: …

Randomness for 4/5

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1) So you want to get published? A flowchart. Is it just me, or are flowcharts made of awesome?

2) “Don’t you have any vegetarian meat?”

3) A big discussion on selling stolen IP in the Kindle format.

4) Advice for writers who suffer the pangs of jealousy.

5) Nerf guns painted and modified to have that steampunk look.

6) How slavery really ended in the U.S.A.

7) Black Gate is having a sale on their back issues. I have stories in issue #2, #3, and #10.

FYI: Stephen Colbert usually takes Fridays off.

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The back story.

The performance:

They raised $86,000 dollars for charity! Nice work, guys.