Story Seeds

Standard

1) Dumbledore: “I’d like to welcome our new Defense Against The Dark Arts, teacher, Mary Poppins.” It seems so perfect, doesn’t it? You’d have to file the serial numbers off (or not).

2) “My name is Perry the Platypus, and I used to be a spy.”

3) “My name is Boris Badenov, and I used to be a spy.”

4) In a fantasy city where spells are cast through ritualistic group dance, magic schools vie for power by brawling in the streets. The two most bitter rivals are the Most Holy University of the Shark and the Jet School of the Sacred and Profane, but when a student from each meet on neutral ground and fall in love…

5) Lazarus The Immortal: Raised from the dead two thousand years ago, Lazarus discovers that he can’t die. Fighting crime? Fighting injustice? Fighting wars? He’s done all that. What’s next for a man spurned by death?

6) Here’s your million dollar movie idea: RO-BRO.

7) A rom com with a post-apocalyptic setting (although it might be easier to leave out the “com” part). Actually, I’m sure there’s a whole (minor) subgenre of romance novels for this, sort of LAST OF THE MOHICANS (DD Lewis movie version) in a MAD MAX-style setting.

8 ) A pseudo-Cary Elwes actor announces plans to publish a memoir of the production of a faux-THE PRINCESS BRIDE-type movie, then suddenly goes missing with the manuscript. Murder? Publicity stunt? Something else?

12 Giftmas Nopes

Standard

Christmas has twelve days–at least, according to the song it does–so I thought I’d do you the favor of sharing 12 Giftmas nopes (presents you really want nothing to do with. Here you go:

1. The Tom Hiddleston Sex Pillow. Also available in Cumberbatch.

2. A belly button brush. For the disgusting Pig Pen in your life.

3. A farting Santa butt to hang on your tree.

4. Generic “Weener Kleener” Soap. I assume it has that name because of the shape. “Fits most men!”

5. Real nightvision goggles for kids. Only someone desperate to be the “cool aunt/cool uncle” would buy this, especially if they wanted to be cut out of their siblings’ will.

6. A hot pink rabbit fur poncho.

7. A single blue-raspberry flavored Gummi Bear that weighs five pounds. In case you want to spend months gnawing on something vaguely bear-cub shaped.

8. A goatee-shaving template. Don’t bother pointing out that it’s actually a Van Dyke. That battle’s lost.

9. A Unisex Adult The Big Lebowski The Dude Wig and Beard Kit. In case your loved one has too much pride to use a shaving template.

10. A Nose Shower Gel Dispenser. For people who want to imagine themselves rubbing snot all over their bodies.

11. A coffee mug shaped like a toilet bowl. For loved ones trying to quit coffee.

12. Shittens. Not a typo.

Be honest now. You’re tempted by the pink rabbit fur poncho, aren’t you?

Randomness for 12/4

Standard

1) Surreal paintings onto the human face.

2) 80’s New Wave stars as they are now.

3) Six wild modern playgrounds.

4) The bulletproof Bespoke suit.

5) The sound arrows make as they whiz by. Video.

6) Movie posters as neon signs.

7) Video artist Patrick Liddell uploaded a video of himself, ripped it, then uploaded it again over and over to track the degradation of the recording. Video.

It’s a Cyber-Monday Non-surprise!

Standard

The day when everyone, supposedly, starts their holiday shopping online. Try not to be surprised by what I write next:

I have a new book out that you can order.

The short version is that it’s the pulp adventure game tie-in I wrote. If you’re reading this on my blog, the cover is just to your right at the top of the sidebar. If not, click through that link: it’s full of pulp adventure nonsense like shrinking beams, infra-purple light, Aztec mummies, and a certain giant ape movie from 1933. Fun!

If you already have that one, don’t forget that I have a page full of books for kids recommended by my own son. Nothing in that list is there because I thought it should go there; everyone got the thumbs up from the incredibly fussy kid who sleeps down the hall from me. As they used to say: Kid-tested, kid-approved.

What’s more, there are new entries on the list. Check it out.

The King Khan post

Standard

King Khan cover

This is the post for my latest book: Spirit of the Century presents: King Khan. Frankly, this has been a little late in going onto my blog because the book published in the middle of my Kickstarter, and it became available at different times in different vendors and formats. Anyway, I think at this point it’s available everywhere.

What’s it about?

Spirit of the Century is an upbeat pulp fiction adventure setting about heroes (and villains) born on the change of the century who embody certain aspects of the century. The game materials feature wacky adventures against villains like an army of cloned intelligent gorillas, Ebenezer Scrooge, and “Der Blitzmann, Electrical Madman.” There’s magic, superscience gadgets, and whatever goofy thing you want to throw together.

KING KHAN was initiated as one of the stretch goals for this Kickstarter, and it features the good guy version of those intelligent gorillas as the hero. Here’s the pitch:

Professor Khan, learned ape, has traveled through time, fought psychic dinosaurs and shark-men, visited Atlantis, and battled across the sands of Mars. He has seen it all-—until an arrow shooting out of the sky sends him to the strangest place yet…

Hollywood!

The story features shrinking beams, Hollywood phonies, Aztec mummy princesses, corrupt LAPD cops, and super-science archery (all the kids love archery these days, don’t they?)

It’s not nearly as grim or downbeat as the Twenty Palaces novels, and for me it was a challenge to write a book very quickly, keeping the pace as fast as possible and filling the book with fun ideas.

Sample chapters are available on the publisher’s website, and if you buy the paperback from them directly, you get the ebook, too.

Check it out.

Randomness for 11/25

Standard

1) Parents convince kids their toys come alive at night and take pictures. Actually, there’s no proof these toys are owned by kids or their parents. They might belong to a lonely middle-aged guy who figured out a way to get page views. Still: fun.

2) English has a new preposition, because internet.

3) Male novelist jokes.

4) Shit Roleplayers Say. Video. Why does “I attack the darkness” sound so familiar?

5) An extremely funny and very short video: Carpark. Video. h/t +Jonathan King

6) Marvel, DC, and The Problem, a really great longread by Chris Sims about the history and evolution of superhero comics. Even if you’re not a comics fan, you might be interested in the history of two behemoth competitors in a creative field.

7) Six ways to beat reader’s block. I needed this.

The Beatles, 10K Hours of Practice, Arrogance, and more.

Standard

So, Malcolm Gladwell has (in)famously accredited The Beatles’s success to the fact that they put in 10,000 hours of practice while they were in Liverpool and touring in Germany. It’s a nice, tidy idea but it isn’t correct. In fact, they were also very talented. In fact, they were also persistent. In fact, they had more than their fair share of arrogance.

To quote the article:

I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense. Arrogance—a kind of foolish, adolescent self-belief; an ignorant, intuitive certainty that your way is the right way—is the root of all great art.

If you read the article linked above (and if you’re a creative person working in a creative field, you should) you learn about the times The Beatles were turned down standard opportunities. The biggest was the offer to record their first song, something someone else had written, but they insisted on “Love Me Do”. Because of that (and a million other choices) they became The Beatles.

However, one thing the article dances around but never explicitly lays out: They were a group of friends. It wasn’t just one person, struggling away at their art. They supported each other, taught each other, and listened to each other when one of the others said they should stand firm.

How many times has a proto-John Lennon found himself among dilettantes, their passion to create slowly undermined by the fact that no one in their circle shares it? How many of those people get discouraged, give up and find jobs at insurance companies or whatever?

That’s why it’s important to have a circle of friends who are passionate about the same things you are and who are creating that you think is amazing. Foolish self-belief is a delicate bubble for most rational people, and it helps to have a community around you to help protect it, because the world is full of people who want to shred the happy arrogance of creative people.

About the scene I call “The Sentence”

Standard

A reader requested that I write a bit about the climactic fight in the food bank in GAME OF CAGES. On the off chance that you haven’t read that book and don’t want it spoiled, here’s a cut: Continue reading

Randomness for 11/19

Standard

1) 16 People talk about the things they didn’t know about the U.S.A. until they moved here.

2) A girl draws self-portraits before and during an LSD high.

3) Man Buys 10.000 Undeveloped Negatives At a Local Auction and Discovers One of The Most Important Street Photographers of the Mid 20th Century.

4) Fate Core Kickstarter price breakdowns, in detail.

5) Attn: Screenwriters: Man makes explosive from items purchased in the post-TSA area of an airport. h/t @hradzka

6) Yearbook photos of heavy metal and rock musicians.

7) A long study that measured the harmful effects that video games have on kids.

What we talk about when we talk about ARROW

Standard

Oh, christ.

Okay. First, I’m not going to say that ARROW is a great tv show. It’s not. It’s flawed in some pretty glaring ways, unconvincing in others, and not exactly brimming with complex insights into the human condition.

However, it is a compelling show, and I think there’s something to be learned from it.

First, let’s contrast Oliver Queen in the comics and in the show. They have similar origins: billionaire playboy asshole is marooned on an island for five years, where he’s forced to learn how to survive and learns to shoot a bow and arrow with inhuman accuracy.

In the comics, Oliver Queen is blissfully unaffected by this. He puts on a green suit and little Robin Hood cap, then heads out with his bow and trick arrows to play superhero. Worse, most everyone writes him as an old, annoying hippie. I guess there’s a New52 version that’s a bit different, but let’s come right out and say that, according to Science, Green Arrow sucks worse than Aquaman.

The show handles it differently: The pilot opens with his rescue and BOOM, he’s immediately returned to a hospital room in his home city. His mother stands anxiously at the door while the doctor explains that he’s covered with scars and has obviously suffered numerous broken bones. Whatever happened to Oliver Queen while he was marooned, it was really, really bad. The doctor warns her that he won’t be the same guy who vanished five years before.

As Jim Butcher would call it, Oliver Queen has exotic position in this world. He’s famous and infamous. Every new character he meets recognizes him instantly and most think they know everything they need to know about him. Also, the story slowly builds up “the island” as Hell-on-Earth and deliberately does not go into much detail about it. Oliver refuses to talk about it with his family, and as he pursues his plan in the current timeline, flashbacks cover his time on the island where he learned all the skills (and earned all the scars) he brought home.

So he’s a ninja, he’s Robin Hood, and he’s the Scarlet PTSD-pernel (except he targets the upper class instead of rescuing them). Who he is sets him very much apart from the other characters on the show. Exotic position.

If you followed the “exotic position” link above, you saw a note about “Exaggeration,” too. Oliver Queen isn’t just regular guy, he’s heir to billions. And he wasn’t just a spoiled jerk before being marooned, he was a complete asshole: When his ship went down, he was in bed with his girlfriend’s sister. Not only did he cheat on her, it was her kid sis and he’s responsible for her death. Also, the dead sister? Her dad is the detective who ends up investigating the vigilante.

It’s not just one thing working against him, it’s several all woven together. The vigilante isn’t just pursued by the cops, he’s pursued by the cop with a deep hatred of Queen’s family. Queen isn’t just pining for the girlfriend he betrayed (who’s picture he mooned over on the island) he’s forced to keep his distance from her because he’s got the whole vigilante thing going, and she has no respect for him because of the Scarlet Pimpernel-ish playboy act he puts on, and his best friend is in love with her and trying to make it work, and the more she learns about the vigilante the more she admires that dude, who’s trying so hard to help others.

Every complication is multiplied as much as possible. It’s deepened and made more complicated so that the relationships between the characters are incredibly twisty. (More on that in a minute)?

Another smart choice is that rather than just follow the usual model and creating a character who fights whatever generic crime appears, the show’s creators have given him a list of bad guys to take down. In fact, it’s was his father’s dying wish that Oliver undo Papa Queen’s wrongs.

Comic books are generally bullshit when it comes to portraying families. Bendis manages it pretty well, if you can stand the dialog tics, but most comics are all about jumping and kicking and massive battles. In the midst of all that, hashing over family drama is trite as hell.

On TV, the most cost-effective screen time you can get is two characters talking to each other on a pre-built set. There is no better special effect than an actor’s face. There just isn’t.

Of course, there are a lot of shows with friends and family squabbling at each other, but Arrow is really well cast. What’s more, although the dialog is trite and the drama is too often “Second Act Shouted Accusations/Fourth Act Reconciliation”, the actual drama itself is pretty fresh.

There’s a love quadrangle with Laurel, the woman Oliver loved like crazy but betrayed and hurt, his best friend who loves her, too, and the vigilante, who has all the traits (basically, acting like he cares what happens to people) Laurel wished Oliver would show but never does.

Oliver’s little sister grew up into a teenager while he was away, and now she’s becoming the party girl asshole that he was before he disappeared and still pretends to be in his Scarlet PTSD-pernel persona.

What’s more, that list his father gave him of bad guys to take out? Oliver’s mother has the same list, because she’s part of the conspiracy. In fact, it’s clear very early on that there’s a real conspiracy here, not just a catalog of assholes, and it takes a long while for Oliver to catch up.

Finally, the main villain is motivated by revenge for the loss of someone he loved very much.

Back when I was still trying to figure out how to be a successful writer, one of the earliest skills I mastered was the exciting action scene. I could make them inventive and weird, full of unexpected twists and odd moments.

What I couldn’t do was assemble them into a story. I couldn’t connect them.

Once, my friend and (although he might not know it) mentor Bill Martell talked about using theme to create character. Actually, I think he meant the lesson to be “using character to explore theme” but we take our lessons where we can grab them.

As an example: an author is writing a mystery about a wife suspected of killing her husband in a marital dispute. Marriage, amiright?

So, in creating a cast of characters, the author consciously explores every facet of marriage she can think of: maybe the detective is still mourning the loss of their own spouse, who died of Spouse To A Sad Cop Syndrome. The bride’s parents have been happily married for thirty years. The groom’s parents refuse to divorce even though their relationship is a DMZ. The bride’s best friend is in the middle of a divorce. The groom’s BF never married and is ecstatic about it. The neighbors are ooey-gooey newliweds. The detective’s partner is bored with his wife.

And so on. It doesn’t have to be obvious (in fact, better if it isn’t) but it gives the story unity.

On ARROW S1, the theme relates to (as Helena Bertinelli says) “going through a crucible.” Oliver was shipwrecked, watched his girlfriend and his father die, and struggled for five years to stay alive. When he returned home, he was transformed.

The other characters in the show reflect that theme: Thea responded to the pain of losing her father and brother by trying to grow up just like Oliver. Worthless billionaire bf Tommy had never gone through any kind of test or transformation, and he starts the show as the same boy-man he was five years before. Moira Queen, for her part, mourns and moves on with her life, marrying again. Diggle can’t get past the death of his brother. Finally, there’s Malcolm Merlin, the season’s villain, who can not get past the pain of his wife’s death.

Yeah, there are problems. Too much of the dialog is trite and on the nose; people complain about the actors, but I think the scripts are the real problem here. The first two episodes have a really unfortunate voice over, which doesn’t work at all. And the pilot introduces the Queen’s house maid, who was supposed to… actually, I’m guessing here, but I think she was supposed to humanize our good-looking billionaire hero by showing he could be friends with a poor, but it was really weird to see him be so warm with the maid when he was so cold to his mother and sister.

Also, if you can’t get past the idea of a ninja archer who can’t be hit with machine gun fire while he nails baddies with arrows, this ain’t the show for you.

There are also shallower pleasures. I showed my wife a video compilation of all the workout scenes from S1 and she was all “When is this show on again?” Fit, muscular dudes with their shirts off. It’s a feature.

Another thing they’re doing right: integrating existing DC characters and concepts into the show, after retooling them for TV, which is something I said AGENTS OF SHIELD should have done but they haven’t. Deadshot is an obvious addition, and The Huntress, too, (although I thought they miscast the father). They even retooled the Royal Flush Gang, cutting the budget so much the gang only had four members.

(Of course, the head of the Royal Flush Gang had his own crucible, and he made his own choices because of it. More unity.)

So, yeah. There are clumsy flourishes in the execution, early missteps, and action scenes that require reinforced scaffolding for your disbelief.

But! The show handles the lead character’s exotic position really well, and ties everything back to it in a unified, intelligently exaggerated way. That’s why a show I expected to be a dime-store BATMAN BEGINS is one of the few must-watch programs on my schedule.