New quote of the day

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“‘Challenging’ is a synonym for ‘fun’ around here.”
— my son’s Parkour teacher at his birthday party yesterday.

That’s going to be my new writing motto.


In other funtastic news, Circle of Enemies is available for pre-order at Amazon.com as of, well, now. It won’t ship until the end of July (the 26th, by the current plan) but you can help Amazon.com decide how big their initial order should be.

I have no idea what that means, either. I’m just vamping here.

I have lots to do today, so I’m not going to be online much. Don’t forget to check out/comment on the last minute gift suggestion posts on my blog or on LiveJournal.

Offer last minute gift suggestions

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‘Tis the season to offer gift suggestions for last-minute Christmas shoppers. Do you have something people might want to give as gifts? Well, I’m going to copy an excellent idea that’s been going around LiveJournal:

Please feel free to post links to anything you’ve got for sale right now: books you’ve authored or edited, and any arts or crafts you’ve made. Then spread the idea around on your own blog. It’s a handy way to promote interesting gifts to last minute shoppers.

And a reminder for folks: a lot of the commenting that happens in my online spaces happen on my LJ. If you’re looking for smart gift ideas, be sure to check there.

So have at it!

Sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s legit and who’s not

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And sometimes it’s as easy as loading a website.

Check out the website for Mocknick Productions Literary Agency (there’s a “nofollow” command in that link so this post won’t count in Mr. Mocknick’s Google ranks). The agency reps screenplays and novels, apparently, and to promote their business, they have a series of YouTube slide shows.

That star “Arielle”, a sex doll.

No, that’s not a joke. Here’s the first video. Yes, there are more, including some where the sex doll explains why you have to pay upfront.

And here’s Arielle’s own story, from David Mocknick’s own unproduced screenplay called “Doll Warrior” about sex stunt dolls brought to life who fight terrorists.

When I first heard about this from Writer Beware, I was sure it was a hoax. But now that I’ve watched two of the videos, I’m not so sure. This stuff looks like genuine awful. And no, I didn’t watch the video about how to submit.

Also, as I keep mentioning here, next Monday I’ll be traveling across the country by train, and what do I discover but a series of tweets about a guy stranded on a train without power or heat through most of the night?

It was sort of disturbing, until I realized he went from “Hey, power’s out” to “I feel like crying,” and “I keep imagining them backing the train into cold black water” and all sorts of freak out in less than two hours.

Honestly, it’s hard to get all freaked out about my own train ride based on what looks like a hysterical freak out.

And now, a question! Most cell phones play music when a call comes in. What do people call this? The phone isn’t “ringing” per se. It’s playing a tune. Do you still call that a ringing phone?

Thanks.

Randomness for 12/15 (w/ extra content because I was offline)

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1) The Suck Report. WTH, internet?

2) Musical PVC. Love it. Video.

3) Apparently, the latest thing in NY is “Crack Pie.” Meh. Call me when someone adds bacon.

4) “Warning, overfeeding can cause some pigeons to become aggressive.” Video.

5) The Assassination of Yogi Bear by the Coward Boo Boo. Video.

6) How the London riots demonstrate the tactics of ancient warfare. NSFW because of language.

7) All the tricks and stunts this dude does are awesome, but it’s the over-the-top music that makes it. Video.

7+1) The World According to Freshman Comp Papers (a poem)

^ WordPress turns that into an emoticon if I put the number 8. That’s why these always have seven entries. UNTIL NOW

9) Man makes his Christmas light display into an interactive game for his neighbors. Video.

This is my surprised face

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How surprised are we to find that banks are foreclosing on people’s homes for no reason at all, and often on homes where they don’t even own the mortgage.

Of course, the criminal malfeasance of banks can barely be discussed in this country. I still hear economists blaming the recession on “spending beyond our means” rather than the credit default swaps. I still hear pundits talking about a culture of consumption but not a culture of institutional theft.

But hey, no worries, right? I’m sure the Obama administration will get right on this. He would never allow the American people to be robbed blind by huge wealthy corporations, right? Right?

Book marketing and book trailers as mini-docs

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Author Steven Pressfield posts about book marketing: what doesn’t work, what used to work, the book trailer he spent too much money on, and how little we know about what does work now.

The TV interview gone wrong was the most painful part of his story (who flies 3K miles for a book signing–unless he was already flying in for the interview and thought he’d arrange a visit, I guess?) but there’s nothing to differentiate his post from dozens of others by writers flailing to find a way to effectively market their work.

As he says, his trailer didn’t work (it’s more a mini-documentary than an actual trailer, but there you go) but it was terrific fun to do. To me, that means he’s doing things the smart way, even if he’s not really seeing sales from it. I wonder if he’d had more success marketing his book with a shorter trailer–more negligee, less bare skin, so to speak.

He also says that the only thing that truly helped sales of his book was a rave in the NYTimes. Naturally, this leads to a lament about the loss of the book review sections of the major newspapers and their ability to reach so many people at once.

And I sort of agree with him–not that the NYTimes would ever give a second glance to one of my Twenty Palaces novels. Book talk is very decentralized now. We get our recs from friends on Goodreads or Library Thing, we read amateur reviews on blogs, LiveJournal, Facebook, we… what? Read tweets? Stumble upon? There are a hundred different ways that we discover the books we read and love.

But that doesn’t mean there’s no way to reach a large audience. Scalzi’s blog gets 45K unique visitors a day, which is 500 times what I get, but still small potatoes compared to other folks. If Wil Wheaton, Felicia Day, or Neil Gaiman tweet how much they liked your latest, that’s a direct recommendation to nearly two million people. I know a great many of my sales have come from kind words by Jim Butcher, who has the ear of a great many people.

The difference is, of course, that these aren’t institutions you can contact cold. These are real people touched by fame, which means they have to guard their time and energy from users and crazies.

The easiest way to get a rec from someone like this is through dumb luck (ie: they happened to buy and like your book). Beyond that, you need a personal connection, someone who knows them well enough to say “You’ll love this!” without being intrusive. That’s how Jim Butcher read Child of Fire before it was published; Del Rey was publishing his DRESDEN FILES graphic novel adaptations, so my editor contacted him).

Or, if you have to do it yourself, well, that would be a whole different post, one that should be written by somebody else.

But what you can’t do is befriend people for the sole purpose of getting a review or furthering your career. That’s creepy and awful.

So it’s not that there are no avenues to get the word out to a whole lot of people at once. It’s that many of these avenues are people rather than institutions, and you can’t just call them up and say “I’m sending you a great book. Write about it, will you?” Because these folks need to protect themselves from the crazy.

How to market your books, then? Well, in a way, you can’t. You can’t pester complete strangers to rave about your work. What you can do is offer reading copies to the people who already have a relationship with you. You can ask them to help spread the word (hopefully, they don’t need to be reminded).

If they don’t? If none of your friends or acquaintances post rave reviews or give you five stars on Amazon.com, or link from their blogs? Then just forget about it. Brush it off. Drop the subject and never bring it up again.

Finally, if a stranger raves about your work, it’s cool to contact them to thank them and, if appropriate, offer them an early copy of your next book. But that is only for people who already know you or have a reason to talk to you, and you have to treat them with the expected social graces. Leave strangers alone, especially if you’re only going to stare at them the way a starving dog stares at a rib eye.

Randomness for 12/8

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1) The Avengers have a change in health care plans. Video. Pretty funny.

2) And, to switch to DC, Batman as life-size puppet stage show on Japanese TV. Video. You know you can’t resist a description like that. Via

3) Quality hate mail.

4) Ten comics-related gifts guaranteed to ruin your Christmas.

5) An alignment chart for DS9. Personally, I would switch lawful evil and neutral evil, but that’s me.

6) Seven horrifying cost-cutting measures.

7) The Penmonkey’s Paean. “I will not sing lamentations to my weakness.” Damn but I needed to read this today. Thanks, JJ.

Randomness for 12/4

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1) Every Star Trek episode explained in four panels.

2) “Speedflying” a new extreme sport that freaks me out just watching a clip on YouTube. Video. If I prayed, I’d pray for those dudes.

3) Fictional characters in need of a book deal. With covers!

4) This is why I’m a capitalist at heart.

5) Can’t remember what movie I certain line of dialog comes from? Do a search.

6) “Furthermore, only non-Christians can curse.”

7) If this is what it will take to be a successful writer, I’ll go back to answering phones.

Who doesn’t love the TSA?

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Well, most people at the moment. My experience passing through on my recent book trailer jaunt was fine, but others have had painful and humiliating searches or been faced with the petty indignities of low-level bureaucrats anxious to exercise their power.

The media mostly brushes off these complaints. A large number of the public doesn’t care or is contemptuous of people’s complaints–one NPR caller responded to a question about backscatter machines by saying “Go to the gym and give them something worth looking at.” And the government has no plans to stop.

It’s because we, as a nation, expect politicians to protect us from terrorism.

When the guy who torched his underwear on the plane was arrested, the media and the public was boiling over with questions about how he got through security, who let this happen, what precautions were in place? Can the Obama administration protect us? Geo. Bush never allowed a terrorist attack on U.S. soil (except for that one)

Truth is, no politician is going to care about complaints of intrusive searches when the alternative (in their minds, at least) is an election season attack of being “soft on terror.” No politician wants to face those questions.

Stop interrupting!

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Jason Fried gives a TEDtalk about productivity, offices, and why involuntary interruptions are the enemy of work.

This is why, even though I’m a full-time writer now, I still have to go to the coffee shop to meet my daily word count goals.